Um, that sounds pretty stoopid, man.

Stupid Is As People Perceive
By Joseph Walther

This past week our beloved President and the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom held a joint press conference that dealt with some very serious stuff. They answered questions posed by members of the international press corp concerning, primarily, the chaos going on relative to Israel, Palestine, and Lebanon. Of course, Iraq, Iran, and North Korea crept into the question and answer session, as well. They used the term “terrorism” a lot, too.

Bear with me on this. I’d like to share a perspective that, while as yet not discussed by the international press corp and only secretly by the Republicans, probably bears a great deal of the blame for the negative way a growing percentage of the world sees us as a nation. I’ll get right back to this after a short, pointed digression into what precipitated the press conference in the first place.

A quick chronology…

The United Nations established the State of Israel by approving the Palestine Mandate on 05/14/1947.
Israel’s Prime Minister, David Ben-Gurion accepted the Mandate but the Arab League rejected outright.
Worldwide time bomb began ticking.
In 1950, Israel declared Jerusalem as its capital, countermanding the Palestine Mandate. Tick…tick…tick…
In 1980, Israel passes a Knesset Law (religious declaration) that Jerusalem is its “eternal and indivisible capital. TICK…TICK…TICK…TICK…
On 08/20/1980, the UN Security Council passed Resolution 478, making the Knesset “null and void.” The vote was pro 14-0 with the United States abstaining.
The Israeli Government has steadfastly ignored the Resolution. TICK!...TICK!...TICK!...
Israel’s enemies have vowed to annihilate both Israel and its citizens by whatever means at hand. TICK!...TICK!...TICK!...TICK!...
Israel has defeated every attempt its enemies have made in carrying out their vow. TICK!...TICK!...TICK!…TICK!...TICK!...

I don’t have a peaceful solution to this problem because religious dogma is at the very heart of the issue. On all sides but the ocean side, Israel is surrounded by her enemies. All of them have sworn to wipe her and her people off the world map. Israel continues to defend herself aggressively. It seems, however, that no matter how accommodating the Israelis try to be, it isn’t good enough for their Arab neighbors. There also seems to be a growing number of morons in this country who also think that Israel is the culprit! Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…

Back to my original point…

During the press conference with Tony Blair and George Bush, I noticed something. Every time the Prime Minister answered a question, everyone in the room listened intently. They all seemed genuinely enthralled with what Mr. Blair had to say. The Prime Minister attracted the collective attention span in the pressroom to every word he spoke. It was the pinnacle of bilateral respect, downright polite and respectful. Then, George Bush would speak. Oh, how the attitude changed! The collective pressroom attention span splintered all over the place. The reporters paid little attention to what our President had to say because they were formulating their next questions, seemingly ecstatic at the prospect of catching him saying something stupid.

Tony Blair does not rise to the oratory competence level of a Winston Churchill. On the other hand, Mr. Blair does not currently face the same level of problem, as did Mr. Churchill. But, he is eloquent. He is inspiring in his speaking. Meticulously accurate in his command of English and the spoken word, he commands respect. Such speakers can stimulate audiences to heights of consensus beyond common imagination. They challenge and lead their constituencies.

In this country, some of our leaders, minus the British accent, have done likewise. Franklin D. Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, and William J. Clinton all demonstrated remarkable speaking ability. All of these leaders had a solid command of the English language and used it to demonstrate their understanding of and empathy for all of us as it applied to the problems this country faced during each of their administrations.

Each of these men were able to convince us, as well as the rest of the world, that everything would be fine and not to become paralyzed with fear. We all just knew that, somehow, they felt our pain. In fact, Bill Clinton was the utter personification of a man who could feel your pain from thousands of miles away. Of course, in Bill Clinton’s case, he liked to feel other things, too.

The ones I’ve listed above represent the superior speakers. The other presidents during my lifetime, with the exception of George W. Bush, all had a good grasp of the English language and demonstrated it. It didn’t matter whether they were delivering prepared speeches, answering press corp questions, or delivering impromptu remarks, they could all speak in complete sentences, using vocabulary in its proper context and appropriateness.

Then there’s George W. Bush. While Tony Blair makes me reminisce about high-caliber speakers like Winston Churchill and Franklin Roosevelt, George Bush reminds me more of Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane from the old Dukes of Hazzard television sitcom of many years ago. There are just two differences between those two. George Bush is not quite as sophisticated as Sheriff Coltrane was and George IS the President of the United States.

He cannot complete an impromptu sentence. He murders the English language in every respect. Even when he somehow manages to utter an occasional seemingly coherent sentence, it still ends up sounding ridiculously stupid.

“The jury’s still out on evolution.” This would be fine coming from Sheriff Coltrane, but not from the President of the United States. Here’s another one. “Whether it be ministry-building or training of law enforcement officers, those are invital contributions.” How’s this for clarity. “Any time of the year it’s a time of sorrow and sadness when we lose a loss of life.” Here is one of my favorites. “In other words, the formula that has uh, enabled them to, uh, to extent, to the extent, to uhh—to a certain extent, to—the formula they’re relying on won’t change, let me put it that way. I was trying to be really brilliant.”

These represent a few of his verbal blunders. There are between 3,000 and 5,300 of these gems. Humor writers have made millions from them. Writers have compiled them into several well-selling humor books.

Worse, he says all of these things with one of the stupidest looking grin-like facial expressions that I’ve ever seen. Why doesn’t Karl Rove tell him that whenever he’s on national television talking about a war that is becoming exponentially unpopular by the hour, and he mentions those brave youngsters who have died in our nation’s service, he can’t have a stupid, smile-like smirk on his face. Laura, how about giving us a hand here?

Whether you agree or disagree with George Bush, is not my point. How much more receptive would the rest of the world have been if, given the same political policies and economic agenda, they had been articulated by the likes of FDR, or JFK, or Ronald Reagan, or even Bill Clinton? Right now, I’d settle for anyone who can have a coherent thought and express it in a complete sentence.

Perception is a major component of reality. The voters in the United Kingdom who are criticizing Tony Blair are doing so, not because they think their Prime Minister is stupid, but because they hate George Bush, whom they think is remarkably stupid. Mr. Bush, seemingly, does not attempt to change this perception. In fact, his mouth continues to confirm it.

Have a great week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

Your call is important, stay on the line!

Hello, How May I Help You?
By Joseph Walther

“Books have knowledge; knowledge is power; power corrupts; corruption is a crime and crime doesn’t pay. Therefore, reading causes bankruptcy.” A friend sent me this as a prime example of a circular reference. While most of us view this kind of thinking as too stupid for words, others believe every word of it. Whatever you believe, this is not an example of circular referencing. Here’s a prime example of circular referencing.

You buy a major appliance from a major retail chain. They deliver it and install it as agreed. Ten minutes after the installers have left, it stops working altogether. You just can’t unplug it, toss it into the trunk of your car and take it back. So, you call that customer service number the installers gave you. You know… the one the sales associate assured you that you’d probably NEVER need.

You pick up the phone and dial the number (800-727-3968). Ring… ring… Then you hear the ominous tone, BLA-bla-BLEEP, “Your number cannot be completed as dialed. Please check it and try again.” Mumbling, “WHAT?” you verify that you dialed the right number. Then it dawns on you that you forgot to dial the “1” first! So you redial 1-800-727-3968. Ring… Ring… Ring…

“Thank you for choosing Mega Store, Inc. for your major appliance needs. Please listen to our customer service selections carefully, as they have changed at least two hundred times over the past thirty minutes, alone! If you are calling about an electrical appliance, dial 1, if you are calling about a gas appliance, dial 2, if your call concerns an installation problem, dial 3,” etc. I’ll bet you had no idea how many 1 and 2-digit combinations existed on a standard digital phone.

You’ve been on the phone almost 12-minutes and suddenly realize that you have yet to speak to anyone with a human pulse. At last, you hear menu choice number 39. It’s the ONE. You dial it. Ring… Ring… “This call may be monitored for training purposes and to assure you of the best customer service. Your call is important to us and it will be answered in the order in which it was received.” Cue… eardrum shattering music…

Every thirty seconds you hear, “Your call is very important to us, please hold for the next available service representative.” Suddenly you hear, “Hello, my name is Harold, how may I help you?” You explain that your brand new appliance stopped working ten minutes after you people installed it. “Hmm,” mumbles Harold. “I think you need to speak to Returns,” he continues. “Let me transfer you.” Silence… then Ring… Ring…

“Hello, my name is Carol; do you have something that you want to return?” Sigh… “No!” You begin to explain the situation from the beginning. Carol then explains that you really do need to speak with ON-Sight Service. “Let me transfer you.” Silence… then Ring… Ring… Ring…

“Hello, Moose here, what can I do for you?” You, as anger builds and builds, grit your teeth and explain the situation to Moose. Moose then explains that because your particular appliance was delivered on a Tuesday, prior to noon AND it was raining, he’d have to transfer you to Service Scheduling. Silence, but things are looking up… Ring… Ring… Ring…

A sweet, perky female voice greets you with, “Hi, my name is Millie, how may I help you?” Enchanted by her sweet, innocent, soothing voice, (She sounds young enough to be your granddaughter.) you begin to explain the entire situation all over again…”I’m sorry, sir”, Millie interrupts, “but this should have been handled by our main customer service group. I’m going to transfer you. Choose menu item number 39 once you get there….” You shout, "UP YOURS, MILLIE!" (or words to that effect) SLAM! Your neighbors can hear the sound of phone parts hitting the walls and floor of your kitchen.

THIS has been an example of circular references. You are undoubtedly familiar with its other name: the Run Around! A circular reference—the run around—is a series of references where the last participant references the first, thus rendering the entire exercise useless. While no one has done it yet, I’m willing to bet that there is a strong correlation between the incidences of rage-induced homicides and circular references enhanced by automated phone systems.

My opening quotation is representative of circular logic, not circular references. Never confuse the two. Circular logic is attempting to reach a valid conclusion, the validity of which depends upon a series of logical assumptions; wherein at least one of the assumptions is self-validating.

A classic example is someone using the bible to prove the existence of God and quoting that same bible as proof. Another example… “Hi, I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.” SLAM! Damn it, there goes my other phone!

Oh, by the way, 800-727-3968 is the numeric equivalent to (800) SCREWYOU. But this is probably just a coincidence. Anyway, take it easy on the Millies of this world; they are just doing what the Neanderthals they work for have trained them to do!

Have a great week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

You can't fire him, dude!

You’re Fired!
By Joseph Walther


The discussion went along the lines of, “Military officers are not supposed to go around second-guessing an elected president.” Another voice chimed in with, “But, what if the president’s an idiot?” This elicited, “How come you’re an asshole?” And on and on the discussion went as participants continued to vent their frustration over the prolonged activity in Iraq.

One man insisted that the United States Constitution clearly places the President in charge of the military. He expressed adamant conviction that “generals” do not decide if or when we go to war. “Their job is to fight the war.” An obvious opponent countered with, “Those fornicating—his term had fewer letters—generals are supposed to speak up if they think he’s wrong!” As the number of expletives increased, it became more evident that this was an argument over Bush’s Iraqi policy.

My gut told me to get down and dirty with these people. “You can yell just as loud as any of these people can,” my gut said. Just as I was about to dive in, discretion, an occasional ally, whispered in my ear. “LEAVE NOW, DUMMY!” And so I did. Some arguments are just not worth the effort, even though both sides were voicing (descriptive expletives notwithstanding) valid points.

Presidents have been firing generals for centuries. During my lifetime, Harry Truman recalled and fired General Douglas Macarthur in 1951 over the Korean War. In the spring of 1977, Jimmy Carter fired Major General John Singlaub over a disagreement, also involving North Korea. Most recently, George Bush fired then Army chief of staff, General Eric Shinseki, over a troop level disagreement pursuant to an invasion of Iraq.

Most of the time, when presidents “fire” generals, they don’t own up to it. Of course, Harry Truman was one notable exception. “Givem hell” Harry did a lot of things and owned up to all of them. Neither should anyone be concerned that the firees end up personally ruined and financially destitute. Far from it. Regardless of what the political spin doctors call it, the fact is that when flag officers disagree with the commander in chief and say so publicly, they usually end up on the civilian lecture circuit or, nowadays, as analysts on cable news programs.

When it comes to our national interests, we have a right to know all of the facts and to hear all of the issues. Declaring war and going off to fight one, at least in my view, ranks high on my list of things I want to be perfectly clear about. So how do we get to a point of clarity if not all of the parties can voice their concerns?

I want to be very clear on this point. Military authority is both constitutionally and traditionally subservient to civilian authority. Unless we’re in the mood for a military dictatorship, this is a good thing and we should not even consider changing it. However, there is a big difference between voicing opinion on political matters and voicing opinion on military matters. More important, though, is making sure that we all know the difference between political matters and military matters.

A decision to use military force to protect our interests throughout the world is a political/policy matter. The battle plans to accomplish such a feat is a military matter. Generals should not be going around voicing their opinions regarding political matters. Conversing politicians should not be going around voicing their opinions regarding military matters.

Harry Truman put General Macarthur in command of United Nations troops in Korea, with orders to push North Korean forces back to the 38th parallel. He accomplished this task, but didn’t stop there. He pushed well beyond, toward the Yalu River, the boundary between North Korea and China. He began publicly advocating aggression against China. He wrote a letter to House Speaker Joseph Martin wherein he talked about using Formosa as a launching ground. He even hinted at using “atomic” strikes. It didn’t matter to Macarthur that President Truman and the Joint Chiefs didn’t see the Korean War in the same light as he did. They wanted North Korea contained, not to go below the 38th parallel. He wanted to wipe out all of China to boot!

Whether in retrospect we agree or disagree with him, Macarthur violated a prime directive. Generals are not supposed to voice their opinions on political policy without clearing it with their civilian bosses first. Macarthur trashed the chain of command. He clearly crossed the line and Truman fired him for it. I think Truman had every right to do so.

The circumstances behind Jimmy Carter’s firing of General Singlaub were entirely different. President Carter was going to order the Joint Chiefs to withdraw the Army’s 2nd infantry division from Korea. General Singlaub considered such a move to be militaristically unsound because it would embolden the North Korean Communist Regime to redouble efforts to conquer South Korea. He expressed his opinion in a private conversation that got back to President Carter. Jimmy Carter fired him for it.

In a matter of months after the withdrawal, North Korea’s military buildup proved that Singlaub’s military opinion was the correct one. Strategically, we should never have removed the 2nd infantry division. The General’s dissent was never about political policy. It was over a proposed military strategy, something he was eminently more qualified to do than Jimmy Carter was. The President was wrong in firing him.

Finally, George Bush fired then Army chief of staff, General Eric Shinseki because the general had the audacity to voice his military opinion that an Iraq occupation would require over 400 thousand troops on the ground. This sent Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld and Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz into a 14-karat hissyfit because they had already promised Congress that it’d be a piece of cake involving a lot fewer troops.

Shinseki never questioned the Bush policy of military intervention in Iraq, only the best way to do it. However, the man publicly disagreed with the President, so he had to go. Of course, Bush didn’t do a Donald Trump, “You’re fired!” He just let the old general retire. In retrospect, it looks like General Shinseki was correct, but it doesn’t matter. I think Bush was wrong to fire him. This doesn’t matter, either.

One final time, I don’t think that generals should be going around publicly voicing political opinions, pro or con, regarding their civilian bosses decisions. Politicians, on the other hand should not be going around voicing military opinions unless they give the generals equal time. No one should be able to fire a general for voicing a counter military opinion before a congressional executive committee.

Perhaps Viet Nam would have had a more positive outcome and our current problems in Iraq may not be as problematic, had their civilian bosses given the generals equal time relative to military opinions.

Until next week, stay safe and don’t hold back. Have you ever wondered how many people gave up dessert on the Titanic?

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

The Daily Show is not the real news!

I Heard On The Daily Show…
By Joseph Walther


It has been quite some time since I’ve shared some of the emails that I receive because of this column. While voluminous, most of them are legitimate and well-reasoned responses to what I write. I welcome all of them, whether they voice agreement or disagreement. I answer as many of them as I can.

Of course, not all of the emails are reason-based. Some are just too stupid for words. I don’t receive a lot of this type, but the few that I receive are doozies. A fair percentage of emails come from people with huge emotional investments in their viewpoints that it makes reasonable discourse impossible. Finally, I receive occasional threats.

I use very effective filtering software. This is especially important for those who feel overwhelmingly driven to threaten me. The threat-charged email goes into a special folder that I am able to check. If necessary, I forward copies to the originators’ ISP spoofing and abuse teams, with additional copies to local police agencies. It works quite well, as some have found out.

My software also filters the stupid stuff. Unlike the threats, these emails are amusing. Many of them border on the outlandishly hilarious. In fact, this is the stuff that I enjoy sharing with readers the most. I never include email addresses because my lawyer won’t permit it. I do, however, use whatever names the senders used in sending me the email. I also quote the senders verbatim.

I’ve been doing this column in its electronic form for almost two years. During that time, I’ve come to a preliminary conclusion that there must be a universal mind meld of all stupid people. They all seem to use the same level of monosyllabic vocabulary, the same misspellings, the same methodology in flawed logic, the same technique of stating personal opinion as irrefutable fact. Once their minds have been set, all of them hate to be confused with facts.

There is not sufficient time, space, nor desire to list all of the emails here. Here are a few taken from various filter controls; I’ve included my responses.

The Too Stupid for Words category

From “ilikewimin”… (I swear that this was in the header “from” box. However, he signed the mail as “Scooter”.)

“I been readin yor blog for bout a year. You must be qweer cause you always take there side. It dont matter what libral asswipes like you say cause its flat out rong for fags to get married. Yor pissed because we finly got a president that understands the bible and stand up for it.”

My response…

Scooter, you are living proof that I’ve been wrong for a long time. All of my adult life, I’ve assumed that the Neanderthals had gone extinct eons ago. I am going to have to revisit this.

The idea of two gays, of either gender, marrying each other does not come close to worrying me. Nor do I think that such events will cause any damage to the “sanctity” of marriage. I know too many gays who have been in committed relationships for many years.

You, on the other hand, scare the living crap out of me! Even if all of the world’s gays were as abjectly stupid as you sound, they would still pose a far less threat to society as you do. You see, as gays, they would not be breeding. You, God forbid, may already have done so. Several times, perhaps!

Your last name wouldn’t be Libby, would it?

The Not Stupid Category

From “mel43”…

“Why do you seem to hate Bush so much? You bash him a lot. Do you think Kerry would have been a better president?

My response…

Mel, I don’t hate George W. Bush. I think he has been a detriment as our president. While I did not agree with his decision to go into Iraq, once he made it, I supported him. His execution of that war, however, has been positively atrocious, causing the loss of more lives than necessary. The resources we’ve wasted there have rendered us too vulnerable in the face of much bigger threats, such as Iran, North Korea, and Parris Hilton.

I bash him because he’s so, um… bashable. He graduated from Yale. Even with a “C” average, back then a Yale graduation was an accomplishment, his daddy’s money notwithstanding. He also obtained an MBA from Harvard. This, too, is not easy to do. So, I think there’s is a bit more intellect in him than his enemies are willing to admit.

What good is it, though, when he can’t demonstrate it in the affective domain? There are no less than seven books of “Bushisms” available in the humor section at Borders or Barnes and Noble. Read some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth during impromptu public remarks. Also, his publicly stating, “The jury’s still out on evolution” definitely weakened his attempt a joining Mensa. His wife, being a librarian, must cringe every time he opens his mouth. It’s a wonder that his father has not keeled over dead from the stress.

Finally, I do not think that Kerry would have been a better president. This is why I voted for George Bush.

The Not Stupid Category

From “super-r”…

“The dems were in control of this country for close to 45-years. The repubs inherited all of those problems. We can’t afford to let those dorks back in control of congress.”

My response…

Super, you will get no argument from me that the Democrats controlled the show from FDR’s second term through 1979. Ronald Reagan started a conservative revolution with his presidential nomination in 1980 and solidified the conservative grip on the Congress and Nation with his landslide reelection in 1985.

The conservatives have been running the show since then. It is now 2006 and this means that they have been doing things their way for over 20-years. We’re just as bad off, only in a different way.

Yes, tons of our current problems found life over the 45-years of liberal political control. The solutions to most of those problems amounted to political suicide to any politician who dared to fix them. So, when the new conservative breed took over, they ignored those festering problems. Now we have a whole host of conservative problems, the solutions to which will be just as politically suicidal for anyone wishing to solve them effectively. What goes around does, in deed, seem to come around.

Veto proof political control, by whichever political party, is bad for the country. A president’s role is to lead, not browbeat. An effective president should challenge the citizenry and its elected representatives to move us forward, not rehash blame for our past failures. It is not a president’s job to keep the Congress’s feet to fire. That’s our job as voters. Herein is the primary problem.

Our current culture has permitted market forces to replace our collective value system. We no longer have debates, political or otherwise; we have marketing campaigns, wherein the political forces harness voters as though they were customers. While our aggregate lowest common denominator has fallen to lower and lower standards of acceptability, we’ve collectively reduced truth to whatever happens to sell at the time.

On the one hand we have conservative and liberal media outlets—some refer to them as the News Media—that simply look at viewers as consumers. They bias or prejudice their programs in a way that garners the most rating points.

Our schools no longer teach critical thinking based on verifiable facts, except within the realm of hard science. Even at this, fundamentalists want creationism taught as though it were a scientific theory. And, if we don’t permit it, they accuse us of depriving children of their religious heritage. Without the ability to think independently, society seems divided between those with supreme religiously mandated values and those with none at all. It becomes the “good” versus the “evil.”

The current Republican leadership has learned this well and use it to the party’s political advantage. The Democratic leadership has yet to do so. They’d better get on the stick if they want to survive. And, if we, the voters, don’t wise up soon, we’re all doomed and it will be our own fault.

See you next week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

Moving

Moving
By Joseph Walther


Due to some technical problems beyond my control, I will not post a column this week. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this post will make it to the Internet. At the outset, these are not technical issues with Blogdrive.com. While people who use Blogdrive.com have had several technical issues this past year, this time around, the problem lies with my own equipment.

Computer servers crash. This is an unpleasant fact, as all who use them well know. Therefore, webmasters build an acceptable level of “downtime” into their site designs. Additionally, site hosts encounter problems that are impossible to anticipate. This, too, is an unpleasant fact. Blogdrive.com has had a few of these over the past 14-months.

On the other hand, some customer service issues are unacceptable under ALL circumstances. Ignoring customer inquiries happens to be one of them. For me, Blogdrive.com has become the flagship for such behavior. This is the reason that I’ve searched for another comparably priced site that provides the same high-level site statistics that I must have.

Due to contractual obligations, I had to develop a backup site, simply because Blogdrive.com became too erratic. Therefore, I began using a shadow site at Blogspot.com. Blogspot.com has not gone down in all of the time that I’ve used them as a backup. Unfortunately, they provide no site statistics at all.

Finally, I found Blogharbor.com. They are a tad more expensive than Blogdrive.com, but they provide an even higher level of site statistics. They also respond, almost immediately, to customer inquiries and requests for technical assistance. They also notify their customers, via email, of impending system maintenance.

Blogdrive.com is in the process of moving their data center. I hope that this will solve some of the unannounced downtime. I am not going to renew my annual contract with Blogdrive.com. I am going to go to a month-to-month basis. If the problems persist, I’m going to drop them altogether.

Beginning next Sunday, July 9, 2006, I will post this column to three different sites. The main site will be http://thetruefacts.blogharbor.com. The backup site, as always, will be http://JLWalther.blogspot.com. Finally, I will continue to post on a month-to-month basis at http://JLWalther.blogdrive.com.

Readers who registered to receive email notification of new postings though Blogdrive.com may register through Blogharbor.com if they desire to do so. There are simply too many of these for me to switch over. In addition to this, I maintain several distribution lists. I will continue to maintain these myself.

The guys with pocket protectors are installing some new equipment for me as I type this on the old system. I will post as usual next Sunday and every Sunday thereafter.

Have a great week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.