Hey! I got Constitutional rights, too, ya know.

By Joseph Walther

All Harry did was voice his agreement with those States that ban smoking in public places, including businesses such as bars and restaurants. It took no time at all for Rick, his friend—though I wouldn’t bet on it, now—to admonish him for his wicked, typically liberal, and politically felonious tendencies.

I swear… It was embarrassing. Rick’s wife of twenty plus years just wanted to disappear! Get a grip, Rick. Have a Valium… try to relax, for heaven’s sake.

Harry, sticking his face right square into Rick’s, loudly exclaimed his right NOT to be exposed to second hand smoke and his right of NOT having his and his family’s meal ruined by the appalling, revolting stench of burning cigarettes.

Rick, of course, retorted, “Be fruitful and multiply (well, OK, he didn’t use those exact words)! I live under the same fornicating Constitution as you do, you intellectually unremarkable person. (Rick used “moron” and he didn’t say, “fornicating,” either.) Loudly, he asked, “How come only your Constitutional rights count and mine don’t?”

I’ve known Rick and his wife, Joan, for close to twenty-five-years. I like Rick, but I wonder how the two of them have remained married all of these years. The only logical reason, at least in my mind, for their marital longevity is her enormous capacity for kindness when it comes to the lesser intellectually endowed.

Or, I guess I shouldn’t forget the fact that we’re all REALLY good at something and maybe Joan would rather keep it to herself. Could be, ya know!

Anyway, as soon as the fireworks started, she bolted up from the table and asked, “Joe (that’s me), can we go somewhere for a nice, quiet cup of coffee while these two imbeciles iron this out?” We left, had the coffee, and I dropped her off at her house a little later. As I drove off, I knew that I had my column for this week.

Before going on, I want you readers to understand that this is NOT about the ills or virtues of smoking. I have not smoked since 1983. It was my choice to stop. If any of you want to smoke, knock yourselves out. I don’t care one way or another. However, people who claim rights NOT guaranteed by the Constitution are getting on my nerves. I’m going to address it… RIGHT NOW.

First, let’s do away with all of the frilly semantics. Rights, constitutional or not, are only guaranteed by a collective willingness AND ability to defend them. If either of these is missing, “rights” become meaningless words, bouncing off the inside walls of people’s brains or useless writings on pieces of paper.

Second, while it is a nice thought for people to believe that God saw fit to endow us with these unalienable rights, we should be careful. Maybe that’s where they came from, but so far, no one has ever been able to locate a signed contract to that effect.

For the doubters, I can put you in touch with several people throughout this planet who have ample reason to believe that God (Christian or otherwise) has nothing to do with rights, human or otherwise. Just click on the link at the end of this piece and I’ll send you the list. Many of them are dead, but their next of kin can speak on their behalf.

Third, and perhaps a surprise to some, the Constitution is whatever five of the nine currently sitting justices say that it is—absolutists, Antonin Scalia and his associate, Clarence (Sir Echo) Thomas, notwithstanding.

And, these Justices (all of them) do not live in vacuums. They read newspapers, watch TV, listen to radio news and radio talk shows, have bowel movements, become cranky (especially if they miss too many bowel movements), and fart under the covers, just like the rest of us mortals.

Just as we all have our bad hair-days, they do, too. The difference is that, if a couple of them happen to be having a bad judicial hair-day at the time of a crucial ruling, we all pay the price.

They try to gauge the social impact of their rulings and it affects the way that they rule, even though we go to great lengths to pretend that it doesn’t. Sometimes the prevailing winds are conservative and sometimes they are liberal. Other times the winds just seem to swirl around the center. Still, at other times, the Court’s majority just screws up.

I’ve studied the United States Constitution for close to 33-years. I believe it to be a dynamic, fluid document; designed by its originators to address the concerns of their time, but with the ability to adapt to social changes over the centuries. They did make it possible to change it, you know. They made it difficult to do, but nonetheless, doable.

As many times as I’ve read this fantastic document, I have yet to read anything about a constitutional right to smoke. Another “alleged” right that I can’t seem to find in there is a constitutional right to assisted suicide. Also among the missing rights, are references to sexual rights: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual.

This last group couldn’t care less about having sex. You have my sympathies if you happen to be in a married relationship with one of these! Oh, yes, FAIR… you won’t find this word in the Constitution, either.

If a State, through the infinite wisdom of its duly elected legislative assembly, decides to prohibit smoking in public places or ban it altogether, so be it. If the State, likewise, bans assisted suicides, doctor assisted or otherwise, so be it. Ditto for anything else not specifically mentioned by the Constitution.

People who disagree have the right to petition their elected officials and have things changed back to the way they were. Good luck! For those who think the whole thing is just so, um… unfair, see the paragraph above this one.

For information purposes, though, four Justices must vote to hear a case before the Supreme Court will agree to deal with the issue. If this happens, they’ll place the matter on the Court’s docket. The Justices will have their respective law clerks research the legal stuff, concentrating on reasons for a “yea” or “nay,” depending on whether the boss winked with the left eye, right eye, or both eyes.

No matter how the vote ultimately goes, all nine of the Judges will look stern and concerned, even Clarence, assuming one of the other Justices reminds him. And, after having checked with their respective social focus groups for social impact, they’ll issue a ruling in accordance with the prevailing political winds as reported by FOX, MSNBC, CNN, Larry King, Oprah, and Dr. Phil. With any luck, this will all happen during a single lifetime.

At times, most of the time, in fact, they’d rather not touch some issues, even with a ten-foot pole—for whichever reason. This is when the Justices take their sick days. They simply can’t find the four Justices necessary to get the case on the Court’s docket (wink… wink). They can refuse to hear cases and they don’t have to give a reason, either.

I’ve had the privilege of meeting and speaking with Justices Scalia—a few months ago at a lecture—and Breyer, in 1995 during a lecture at Boston College. I recall meeting a much younger looking Samuel Alito when he joined the U. S. Court of Appeals, Third Circuit, in 1990. He joined the Supreme Court in 2006.

I don’t care much for Justice Scalia. He struck me as a dyed-in-the-wool “originalist” thug who seems not to understand that we cannot permit declarations of yesteryear, forever frozen in the past, to control circumstances arising out of a constantly evolving future. I think this view of his probably explains his lower back pains and the scrape marks on the knuckles of both his hands.

What scares me even more about Justice Scalia is that his opinions, practically speaking, represent two votes on the Supreme Court. His buddy, Clarence (Yeah, what he said!) Thomas, has voted with him on every issue since he (Clarence) arrived on the Court in 1991.

Have you ever noticed that Clarence Thomas has that perpetual, dummy-like facial expression… you know, like he just fell off of Edgar Bergen’s lap? Then again, maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I think he’d sit right up and yip for one of those treats.

The diametric opposite of Antonin Scalia is Justice Stephen Breyer. He explains his logic flawlessly. He’s eloquent in his delivery, and he can disagree with people without condescending. Sometimes I disagree with his interpretations… well, actually, I almost never… Oh, alright! I NEVER agree with his interpretations, but I admire and respect him immensely.

When you are in a room with Justice Scalia, he often tends to make you feel—I’m sure it’s intentional on his part—as though he’s the most important person in the room. When you are in a room with Justice Breyer, he tends to make you feel—quite naturally, on his part—as though YOU are the most important person in the room.

As for Justice Alito, I’m indifferent. He’s a nice enough person and a competent legal mind. He’ll be good for the Supreme Court. But, my God, is he ever boring. If he were a staff shrink at a mental hospital, the suicide rate would increase. They’d ask him to leave for depressing the staff.

I’ve been a bit hard on the Supremes, so let me end this with a quote. Maybe you’ll understand why.

“The provision of the Constitution giving the war making power to Congress was dictated. . .by the following reasons: Kings had always been involving and impoverishing their people in wars, pretending generally, if not always, that the good of the people was the object. This our convention understood to be the most oppressive of all Kingly oppressions, and they resolved to so frame the Constitution that no one man should hold the power of this oppression upon us.”—Abraham Lincoln

Even though there’s still nothing in there about smoking or assisted suicide, the question that we all should be asking ourselves, the United States Congress, the President of the United States, and the United States Supreme Court is, “What in the hell’s happened over the past twenty-years?”

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Copyright laws apply to all material on this site. Send your comments. Just click here.

Of "condom mints" and stupidity!

By Joseph Walther

There are two, unrelated parts to this. The first part is the personification of hilarious, childhood innocence. The second part deals with horror and excruciating pain, the kind that far surpasses anything Al Qaeda can throw at us: sheer grownup stupidity.

PART ONE…

There is a hamburger chain in Delaware called Jake’s. It’s strictly a franchise operation. The company has franchisees in Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Florida. They have the most locations in Delaware, six at last count.

This is not free advertising for Jakes; even though the place serves the best damn hamburger money can buy. The folks at Jake’s cook the things to order and serve them on an old-fashioned bun—no sesame seeds or any other seeds that seem to have invaded the hamburger joints of the world.

The latest Jake’s to open in Delaware is in Claymont, in northern New Castle County. People in the surrounding areas have welcomed it with open, loving, insatiably starving arms, particularly 7-year-old Jessica, and her mom.

I stopped to satisfy my addictive cravings for hamburger things cooked medium. The place—a huge layout with many tables—was packed. At Jake’s, a customer goes to the cashier, places an order, takes the order receipt, and waits (not very long) for them to call out the order number.

I stepped back to await my order. I ended up standing close to Jessica’s table. She and her mom had just received their orders. And, seated at an adjacent table, less than three-feet away, were two elderly women (defined as no less than early to mid-eighties). They, too, had just received their orders: triple cheeseburgers… that’s right, TRIPLE… and hand-dipped chocolate milk shakes to boot.

Sound travels well inside of this particular Jake’s, especially when it is the voice of a 7-year-old young lady voicing a small complaint about her order.

“Mommy,” declared Jessica, “this is a good hamburger but they didn’t put enough ‘condom mints’ on it.” The moment was precious. For about two seconds, the silence was enough to rupture eardrums. Then, low-keyed at first, sounds began to fill the room once again, mostly stifled laughter.

Well, that is all except for the man seated at a table behind Jessica’s. He laughed so hard that he spewed root beer, through both his nose and mouth, all over his tray and table.

One of the elderly women at the table next to Jessica looked up and saw me smiling. She, too, laughed and declared, “That’s it! I knew something wasn’t right. You tell ‘em sweetheart.” She then continued to inhale her triple… that’s right, TRIPLE… cheeseburger.

By now, several customers had tears of muffled laughter streaming down their cheeks. Jessica looked confused. Her mom seemed torn between an urge to unleash side-hurting laughter and desperately trying to climb underneath a floor tile.

She reached a quick compromise. She smiled at her daughter and said, “I think you mean condiments, honey. These people are laughing because what you said was funny. I’ll explain it when we get home.”

Everyone inside of Jake’s knew what Jessica meant: more mustard and ketchup. One of the staff members came from behind the service counter and gave Jessica a couple of packets of mustard and ketchup. “I’m sorry, honey, we’ll put more on the next time you come in,” she said. With a smile, she handed the child a coupon for a free hamburger on her next visit.

Children understand exactly what they are saying. Jessica probably does not understand the implication of “condom,” but “condom mint” and “condiment” sound the same to her.

As the two elderly, TRIPLE cheeseburger scoffing women left, one of them patted Jessica’s mom on the back and told her to savor every second with her beautiful young daughter. “She’ll be grown up in an instant and you’ll wonder where the time went. It will be moments like this that will sustain you with loving, tender memories.”

I second that. I’m proud of my children and the things they have accomplished in their still-evolving lives. I’m thankful for having had the luck to be part of their lives and to see them find their life’s passions before I die.

However, these kinds of precious memories are the ones that cause me to become all bubbly-eyed with loving, tender remembrances. Readers, if you have young children, these things are going to happen to you. Yes, you’ll be a little embarrassed because it’s human nature.

But, you’ll get over it and someday you, too, will get all bubbly-eyed as you think back on the occasions with love and gratitude.

PART TWO…

Now, I take you on a journey through horrorsville! This is another of those grocery store checkout counter nightmares, worse than Dick Chaney’s scowling face could ever be.

This particular grocery store, Superfresh, had a sale on ground beef (you know… the good stuff, ground sirloin). You could buy 3-pounds for $3.00. However, it had to be in a single, 3-pound package. Unfortunately, the couple in front of me at the checkout couldn’t find any more 3-pound packages. So, they picked up two separate packages that added up to 3-pounds.

This made perfect sense to me, as I’m sure it did to those behind me in line. But, rules are rules.

The cashier denied the sale price and explained the rules. The couple re-explained that the store was out of 3-pound packages. The manager on duty came over and approved the sale price anyway. No problem! This took less than 20-seconds. This is NOT the horror part. Be patient; it’s coming.

The grand total for this couple, prior to the manager approving the sale price, was an EVEN $10.00. What are THOSE odds, you lottery players? However, trouble decimated paradise once the manager approved the ground beef special. You see, it resulted in a $0.97 refund adjustment. Brace yourselves! This may hurt.

Modern technology is fantastic. Cash registers can handle these adjustments with the touch of a couple of buttons. Well, OK, apparently these particular cash registers can’t.

At Superfresh, the cashier must do the math… manually, on a form and scan the new total into the cash register. The cashier then places the manually calculated form into the cash register for documentation and audit purposes. Brace yourselves! Take a deep breath. In, now out. In, now out. Nice and easy.

The cashier, about 17-years-old, could not subtract $0.97 from $10.00. She proudly admitted it, too. “I’m terrible at math,” she explained. “Marge is coming over. She’s good a math,” she finished for all to hear. Brace yourselves! It gets worse.

By now, though, I was starting to feel the pain. It was awful. Please, I wanted someone to stop it. Someone removing a hemorrhoid with a corkscrew… without anesthesia would not have caused this kind of pain!

I tried to help. “The new total is $9.03,” I told the cashier. She politely thanked me. “But,” she continued, “we have to verify that on this side of the register.” I apologized and shut my mouth. I could see those behind me shaking their heads. Brace yourselves! Yes, it gets even worse.

Marge appeared on the scene, smiling and exuding confidence, that smug kind that people display when they “know” how to do something and you don’t. I began to feel better until…

Anyway, Marge, the in-resident math genius, had to rummage though stuff around the cash register in order to find a blank piece of paper and a pencil. Once she located these, she “wrote” the problem out. She then proceeded to DO the arithmetic. We could see her lips and fingers moving as she manually subtracted 10.00 - 0.97.

“OK,” she said. Then, continuing in a bit of a muffled voice, she proceeded to subtract. “Seven from ten is, um, three. The other zero is now a nine and nine from nine is zero. Now, bring down the other nine. The new total is $9.03.” Proudly, Marge filled in the form with the new total and scanned it into the cash register. She was beaming as the cashier thanked her for the “help.”

I’m sure Einstein experienced similar feelings of accomplishment when he published his theories on Special and General Relativity.

When a junior or senior in high school cannot do third-grade subtraction, it’s very sad. It becomes downright scary when a business’s in-resident math expert needs to “write” the same problem “out” in order to concentrate on deriving the correct answer. The fact that a grocery chain like Superfresh even hires such people, let alone puts them on cashier status, is absolutely mind numbing.

I am around and work with young people all of the time. I rarely meet this sort of illiteracy. So, I refuse to believe that this cashier and Marge are the rule out there in the world. If I’m wrong, I’m turning in my belly button because we’re all doomed. We’ll be a cakewalk for Al Qaeda!

See you all next week, same time, and station. I’m working on a web site that is going to feature many more things. This column will be a link on that site. You can check the site out at www.thetruefacts.com. Keep in mind, though, that it’s still under construction.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Copyright laws apply to all material on this site. Send your comments. Just click here.

You're DEAD...less than a second is all it takes!

By Joseph Walther

“The State of Delaware should have no right to make me wear seatbelts if I don’t want to.” This is what nineteen-year-old, Eric Graas, told me. “The same goes for helmets, you know… on motorcycles,” chimed in seventeen-year-old Michael Nuntz. Three others, ranging in age from fifteen to seventeen, voiced their displeasure in having their basic “constitutional rights” violated.

I’m not going to make this article a tirade on constitutional rights. I’ve read the document a number of times. Try as I might, I can’t seem to find anything there that addresses our right to kill ourselves. The Supreme Court tends to agree.

No matter, though. I did not intend to get into a “rights” pissing contest with these youngsters. They had already made up their minds and they were in no mood to hear facts to the contrary.

I asked Eric if he had taken any physics courses while he was in high school. He told me he had, but he didn’t learn much because his teacher was an “idiot.” Michael, on the other hand, told me that he was getting ready for physics going into his senior year. The others looked too young. In fact, I had the distinct feeling that the shoes I was wearing were older than they were.

We can count seconds quite accurately by using a normally paced vocal cadence. Simply say, “one-one thousand.” This is remarkably close to a “second.” If you want to approximate, say… 3-seconds, just say, in a normal vocal cadence, one-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand. People have been doing this for centuries as a quick and reasonably accurate time count.

Now, how much of “one-one thousand” could you get out in seven-tenths of a second? One-tenth of a second? Trying to approximate this breakdown is not so easy. Yet, you’d have to it in order to get an accurate picture of what happens during a collision.

Let’s say that Eric is driving an automobile at a mere snail’s pace of 55-MPH, instead of the normal 65 or 75-MPH that seems standard on our nation’s interstates. His car has no airbags and he’s not wearing seatbelts. He takes a sip of his soda and attempts to place it back into the cup holder. He misses the mark a little and the cup and soda tip over and spill. He diverts his attention to the spill—just a fraction of a second.

In that fraction of second, he catches himself swerving a bit. As he looks back toward the windshield, he hits one of those concrete construction barriers head-on... still doing about 55-MPH.

Eric will probably be dead very shortly. It won’t even take a whole second, only about 3/4^th of a second. It’ll all happen so fast that Eric won’t know what happened. The last thing he’d have heard was the deafening sound of IMPACT. Here’s the scenario.

In no more than a tenth of a second, the bumper and grill on Eric’s car will disintegrate. During the next tenth of a second, the hood will collapse, accordion-like, as it strikes the windshield. The rear wheels will continue to spin at 55-MPH, but they won’t be on the ground. The rear end of the car will have lifted up due to the sudden stop.

Simultaneously, the car’s fenders will have wrapped themselves around that concrete barrier. The car’s frame has stopped, but the rest of it, including Eric, is still going 55-MPH. Like any of us, Eric will instinctively brace his legs against the impact. But, they’ll simply snap, most likely at the knee joints… both of them.

The next tenth of second ushers in another collision, one of several more that will occur inside the car. The steering wheel will break off, leaving the steering column perfectly free to penetrate Eric’s chest as the two rush toward one and other at 55-MPH.

As tenth of a second number four passes into history, the car has slowed to a mere 30 or 35-MPH. However, Eric and his chest are still speeding toward that steering column and what’s left of the windshield… at 55-MPH.

Not for very much longer, though! As the fifth tenth of a second ticks off, Eric’s chest and the steering column meet. His breastbone shatters as the steering column impales him, puncturing his lungs, filling them with blood.

When the rescue crews arrive, they’re probably going to find Eric’s shoes, absent his feet, right around the ascending floor boards, by what used to be the brake pedal. His feet will have been ripped from his shoes and the brake pedal will have broken off.

Six tenths of a second has passed. The car’s frame has buckled and because those spinning rear wheels have returned to the ground, Eric’s head has smashed into the windshield.

As always, time marches on, though. The next tenth of a second, the seventh, leaves the future and becomes the present. At its dawning, Eric’s car breaks up even more. Doors have flown off; welded seat joints have broken; and flying seat parts are rushing towards the windshield and the back of Eric’s head. Impact in…TOO LATE!

It won’t hurt him, though, because he’s already dead. Time has ceased to exist for Eric. No more pain. No more worrying about lawmakers taking away his “rights.” No more pleasure, either. No more… no more… Eric is no more. His entire life’s day-planner has been erased. He’s now an inanimate component in a funeral director’s process. And, it took less than eight tenths of a second, from start to finish!

All that’s left now is for the police to do tell Eric’s parents that he’s dead. I shudder when I think of what this will do to them. The rescue crews and body retrievers will finish their jobs. A medical examiner will do an autopsy, of course.

Eric’s friends and the rest of his family will now have to make room in their personal digital assistants (PDAs) for a possible viewing, but a burial, for sure.

Many people will probably cry. State and other elected officials will spend the usual allowance of time devoted to the never-ending quest to prevent “such future tragedies.” The usual array of spot-specific memorials (flowers, teddy bears, notes, etc.), all left at the spot where Eric would have died, show up right on schedule.

Eric’s “idiot” physics teacher undoubtedly covered Newton’s laws of motion. I list them below for your review. They’re not theories anymore. They’re facts, whether you are a youngster speeding down a hill on a skateboard or a ninety-sometime-year-old codger ripping though a mall in a wheel chair.

1. An object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by a net force.
2. Force equals mass multiplied by acceleration.
3. To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
   

There is a saying, “Too soon old, too late smart.” This applies to the entire human race. It also explains, to a significant detail, why young people do stupid things. Doing stupid things is part of a young person’s nature. Unfortunately, it accounts for the fact that, all too often, many of them never get to experience the “too soon old” era.

All of the physics lectures in the world, delivered by ALL of the world’s top “idiot” physics teachers and professors are no match for this phenomenon. Youthful impulsiveness always combines with another youthful syndrome, immortality, to form a force of nature that is more powerful than anything the world of physics can muster.

Eric and other young people, just like him, are smart enough to know that this does not happen to most of their peers. What they fail to realize is that it happens to more of them than it does to any other age group. So, it’s more likely to happen to one of them than it is to one of us older types.

Still, though, we can’t give up. How many of the elements that occurred during those fateful seven tenths of a second, would not have occurred with the proper use of airbags and seat belts? Parents, do whatever it takes to force the issue.

Have a great week. I’ll try to be a bit more upbeat next week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Copyright laws apply to all material on this site. Send your comments. Just click here.

We ALREADY got a law for that! Don't we?

By Joseph Walther

More laws! Yes, it’s just what the law doctors ordered. We now have more laws throughout our fifty glorious states than we can possibly remember or enforce. Of course, it’s OK if law enforcement can’t remember all of them. Not so for all of us “little” folks. We can’t use ignorance of a law as an affirmative defense for violating it.

The three most popular areas for local law proliferation are cell phones, immigration, and guns/drugs. Thousands of back-road, two-horse towns all over the United States seem to be locked in mortal competition over which one can come up with the most outlandish laws regarding these three areas of social interest. And, behind all of it, we’ll find mental midget politicians with too much money, too much time, and too little real work to do.

I was driving down I-95 last week. I was doing my usual 90-MPH because the truckers consider anything less as obstruction of traffic. A Lincoln Continental pulled along side of me. The only reason I looked over was that it swerved slightly towards my lane. I was shocked at what I saw.

The driver’s left hand was holding a mirror at about the 11-o’clock position on the steering wheel. She was using her right hand to apply eyeliner and shadow. She caught herself swerving because she moved away from my lane, but she never stopped applying the make-up.

It scared the living daylights out of me! When I saw her initially swerving towards me, my own head sort of jerked back a bit. Of course, this caused my own cell phone to slip from its position between my left shoulder and left cheek, causing me to lose contact with the person with whom I had been talking.

Even worse, when the phone fell, it hit the beer can I had stuck between my legs. The beer spilled all over the place, leaving an embarrassing “wet” ring that encircled my crotch and butt areas. It was cold, too! I damn near rear-ended a Cadillac that was in the process of obstructing traffic due to its slow, funereal, snail’s pace of 80-MPH.

When that driver looked up from tuning his radio, he saw me approaching. The look of horror was something to behold. He dropped his cell phone, too. I hope he didn’t have hot coffee between his legs.

Other than my pants, I don’t think anyone was injured. My point, though, is that we don’t need more cell phone laws. We NEED laws to prohibit others from applying make-up while driving on an interstate highway. We also need some laws governing when, precisely, a driver may tune a dashboard radio.

My kidding aside—I really don’t drink beer while I drive, just an occasional scotch—our inattentive driving laws cover these matters and many others. If we happen to kill someone while inattentively driving, the charges elevate to serious felonies in a hurry.

THERE’S NO NEED FOR MORE LAWS! Just enforce the ones we have. I suspect that a contributing problem to the inconsistent enforcement is that many police officers can’t remember all of them, either.

The country is currently up in arms over our immigration laws. The Bush administration recently tried to push more laws through the Congress. The attempt failed and Mr. Bush promptly blamed a Democratic Congress. Of course, he conveniently forgot to mention that most of his own party rebelled against him.

We have a serious immigration problem in this country. However, it isn’t because there is a lack of appropriate laws. It’s because our borders are wide open and grossly undermanned. It’s also because we fail to enforce the laws we already have. The fact that obtaining legitimate citizenship is now a multi-billion dollar legal industry adds to the problem, too.

I realize that immigrants, millions of them, built our nation. They accomplished this right alongside of millions of natural citizens that were born here. This is the hue and cry from the open border proponents. I don’t subscribe to our open border policies of yesteryear because things have changed radically.

The population in this country in 1930 was 123.4-million people. To my knowledge and the history books, I do not recall many of the immigrants of that time wanting to blow us up. By 1990, our population had grown 102%, to 248.7 million people. Some of the immigrants of that era had already voiced a desire to blow up a few of our buildings and people.

According to our census population clock, our population, so far in 2007, has reached 302.2 million. Accordingly, we experience one birth every 7-seconds, one death every 13-seconds (unfortunately nothing to report on Dick Chaney), and one international migrant every 27-seconds. The result: a net gain of one person every 10-seconds.

Since it took me about 3-minutes to type and revise the above two paragraphs, our population is no longer 302.2 million. We have to add another 180 people! While this is a lot of people gaining access to this country, many wishing us harm, please note from the above statistics, that for every one gained through immigration, almost four result from sex between our own citizens.

I don’t know what this means from YOUR perspective, but from MINE, everyone but me is getting laid!

We don’t need MORE immigration laws. We need to stop screwing so much. At least many of you should cut back a bit. Perhaps it would give me a chance to score occasionally. However, it wouldn’t hurt to secure our borders more stringently, while persistently enforcing the laws we already have. And, yes, maybe a slight tweaking of some of the laws wouldn’t hurt, either, but not many of them.

Last, but certainly not least, we don’t need more gun/drug laws. We need to revise what we have to make more sense, particularly with regards to mandatory minimum sentencing laws. Many of the ones on the books make matters worse, while some that would make matters better do not even exist. For example, mandatory minimum sentences for drug pushers makes more sense than they do for drug users.

Tough on crime campaigns do not work. They don’t deter crime. U. S. Department of Justice statistics prove it. In 1980, we had 1,842,100 adults under the control of federal and various states’ corrections departments. At the end of 2005, that number had jumped to 7,155,806 adults, an increase of 288%.

Think about it. In 1980, 1.1% of our 162.8 million population was under some level of prison supervision. By the end of 2005, 3.2% of our 222.3 million population was under some level of prison supervision. Great news, huh! From 1980 through the end of 2005, our population grew 36% while the percentage of adults within that population grew 288%.

In 1980, sixty-five percent of these adults were probationers. By the end of 2005, that percentage had dropped to 59%, but the number of adults inside of prisons had jumped from 319,598 in 1980 to 1,461,132 in 2005, an increase of 357%.

By the end of 2011, we’ll have an additional 200,000 adults in prison, at the current rate of increases. But, most will be women and older people. The trends… they are a changin’!

The cost to the nation is staggering. Just counting the additional 200,000 adults above, it’s going to cost about $28 billion over the next 5-years. Of course, we’ll need more prisons to house all them, so, add approximately $30 billion more.

Drug-related crimes account for between 60 and 70% of these numbers. Of these percentages, seventy-five percent of them are drug users—1^st and 2^nd offenders, hard-core addicts, and casual users—as opposed to drug dealers. And, over 60% of THESE are probation violators.

A typical convict, having served the time and released under various probationary conditions, does not WANT to violate probation and return to prison. However, typical released convicts might face a combination of fines, court costs, and probationary supervisory fees in the range of $15-thousand dollars. And, they’re walking back into a society that is not all that eager to have them back to begin with.

Simultaneously, they’re still at the same psychological mindset and job skill level as they were when they were arrested. Neither, I hastily add, do they have any real prospects of finding, even menial jobs. Additionally, because of the nature of their crimes (drugs/alcohol), they’ve lost their driving privileges and must attend drug rehabilitation sessions at a per session cost to them of $80 or $90 (that they don’t have). There are usually about 9-sessions per program, too!

Essentially, these people are in hock to their eyeballs, have no means of paying it off, have no actual job prospects, AND, couldn’t drive to work or to find a job, even if they had some hope of getting work. If they miss a single fine payment, the court issues a capias for their arrest. They violate probation and end up back in jail.

I know people who are trying, desperately, to mend their lives. I’d bet that they account for over 80% of drug-related probationers. They are doing everything in their power to abide by the rules. Sometimes, though, the rules are just plain impossible. They sound good from a politician’s election/reelection standpoint. As in the case of many politicians, though, the rules are stupid.

Many convicts in our prisons will never be useful members of society. They consist of about 25% of our prison population. They should stay where they are. We must treat them humanely, of course, but not turn them loose on society. I do not include only the murders, rapists, and child predators in this group, either.

I’m not soft on crime. I do not condone the use of illicit drugs, or the misuse of legal drugs. But, there has to be a better way of getting such people back on their feet and back into meaningful contributions to society. Those of you who advocate a “toss them in jail and forget about them” philosophy need to understand that the cost of doing it will bankrupt us in short order.

Every dollar we spend on this foolishness is a dollar we can’t spend on building better roads, a better educational system, and adequate health insurance coverage for people in dire financial straits.

This nation could have the highest, most productive standard of living on the face of this globe if we’d stop wasting our money on contrived reasons for going to war, make believe methods of insuring our safety, and our stupid, macho ideas that we can eliminate crime by building more prisons and forcing judges to use them.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Copyright laws apply to all material on this site. Send your comments. Just click here.

Disasters! It's always something, isn't it?

By Joseph Walther

This week’s piece delves into three separate topics. The first one pertains to a growing appetite for gruesome torture and execution methods—if the myriad responses to the forums at www.delawareonline.com are an indication. The second topic is an unabashed plug for a great web site for people who enjoy civilized discussions pertaining to virtually any topic imaginable. In fact, if you can’t find one to your liking, feel free to start one! The third contains my comments regarding an article I read, “God’s role in disasters questioned.”

Topic Number One…

There’s a whole lot of killin’ going on in this world. The United States produces its share and more. Spousal murder seems to be replacing good old-fashioned divorce as a means to ending things. Oh, don’t like the way some creep looked at you? Kill the bastard. Want a jacket like that one or a pair of shoes like those, kill the wearer and take them. People all around you making you feel inferior? Disrespected? Helpless? Stupid? Feeling impotent or experiencing a range of other emotional negatives caused by thoughtless assholes? Just get yourself one of those mail order, high-powered guns and go on a shooting rampage. Kill twenty or thirty of those “dissing” sleazebags! That’ll teach ‘em.

I’ve been all over the world… several times. I read a number of foreign newspapers. Horrible crimes are not unique to the United States. Pick a day at random; you’ll find that there are not sufficient numbers of newspapers in this country to report all of these worldwide incidents.

Crimes only seem unique to us because our newspapers and other news media outlets sensationalize the stuff that happens here. It sells newspapers and raises viewer ratings—our fault, not the media’s. I guess I’d have to call this a man-made disaster.

Of course, these outlets always counter with the fact that they want to keep us informed. OK, if this is the case, just announce it and move on. There’s no need to keep it on Nancy Grace, Larry King Live, Geraldo Rivera, Joe Scarborough, and an endless host of local talk radio stations for weeks at a time, rehashing the same gruesome details, ad nauseum.

Crime is a function of the human species. According to the bible, it began with Cain. He didn’t like his brother for some reason. So, it’s always been an issue and it’ll always be an issue as long as humans exist. Human inhumanity to other humans, not to mention that towards the lower animal species, seems unbounded. People just seem obsessed with ever increasingly cruel ways to kill others, including children.

Each time some newspaper, TV news station, or radio news station reports one of these incidents, otherwise compassionate people come out of the woodwork expressing a desire for the immediate execution of such perverted slime balls. Reason goes south, most likely to Alabama, as the mentality seems to revert to, “Bring the creep in; give him a fair trial, and kill him.”

And, do it immediately, in the most cruel and painful way AND, with no appeal. Oh, yes, kill the defense lawyers, too. They have no business trying to get such “slime” off. Don’t forget that wrist-slapping judge, either, the liberal bastard!

If you are such an advocate, I think you were born too late. You would have remained in a state of perpetual orgasmic ecstasy had you lived at a much earlier time in the world’s history. Just click here to see all the wonderfully imaginable ways people of much earlier eras had of punishing “scum bags” who pissed them off.

Of course, the rationale behind this blood lust always stems from the cruel and horrible ways in which the killers dispatch their helpless victims. It reeks of an “eye-for-an-eye” thing. Additionally, anyone who disagrees with the blood lust mentality, earns the wrath of Kahn for being soft on crime. Righteous society should execute all such limp-wristed liberals, right along with the murdering scum who did the actual crimes!

No one’s ever accused me of being soft on crime or criminals. As for the death penalty, I’m indifferent to it. But, from a modest number of emails I’ve received regarding my feelings on the matter, some folks do not understand the term, “indifferent.” So, let me explain it here.

I take no moral stand on the death penalty. If the citizens of the United States adopt and impose the death penalty, fine. As long as it passes Constitutional muster and a competent jury sees fit, execute until your heart’s content. But, I’m just as comfortable with life without any possibility of parole.

My point is, however, that I think that those who advocate cruel and torturous executions miss the point of the 8^th amendment to the United States Constitution, which bans cruel and unusual punishment.

People who torture and murder their victims, at least in this country, do so outside the sanction of government. Nor can any governmental agency prevent this stuff from happening. Hell, we’ve not seen more than the tip of the iceberg relative to understanding the depravity behind most of it. The fact is that these things happen no matter how hard we try to prevent them. As rational people, we have to deal with it, no matter what.

However, state-sanctioned executions are not grounds for us, “officially,” to return the favor in kind. The U. S. Constitution’s 8^th amendment prohibits it. The authors of this amendment based it on a desire to claim a moral high ground. No matter how heinous the crime, once we convict the perpetrator and assign a death sentence, we’re required to carry it out as unobtrusively and humanely as possible.

There’s a perplexing aspect to moral proclamations, especially in matters criminal. No matter the height and sincerity of our goals, one of the problems associated with our propensity to define “righteous” morals, is that one person’s definition of moral acceptability is another person’s definition of being too liberally “soft,” especially where crime is concerned. It sure does generate horrendous inconsistencies, that moral stuff!

Topic Number Two…

So, you enjoy stimulating discussions on various topics. Do you think Hillary Clinton is a fat-calved, left-leaning socialists? Do you like to discuss things like the human species’ tendency to “negate” evolution’s effects on its long-term survival? Do you enjoy reading about weird stuff? Discussing myriad social issues? Can you think up a preposterous, clever, or preposterously clever screen name? Or, maybe you’re gutsy enough to use your real name?

Whatever! You can do all of this and more. Even if you can’t find a topic in one of several forums, you can start one of your own. What’s the name of this site, you wonder. TalkDelaware.com or, just click here and get there faster.

The site’s owners reasonably moderate it. I say “reasonably” because they don’t go overboard. They do not permit personal attacks, no matter how much you might think a poster deserves one. They don’t permit profanity, either. Although, I’ve found that they are quite reasonable about this as long as the language used is in the proper context. I think it’s a great site and well worth a look. I hope you enjoy it.

Topic Number Three…

A reader sent me a newspaper article, published in the (Westchester, N. Y.) Journal News, titled, “God’s role in disasters questioned.” One of that paper’s columnists, Gary Stern, spent 14-months asking various religious people about God’s role in disasters. Mr. Stern did not attempt to pit “believers” against “non-believers. I’m not going to, either. My point, however, is that no matter the disaster, in all cases, God received a pass.

I want you readers to feel free to believe whatever it takes to get you through the night. With me, personally, sex—and maybe a couple of beers—has always worked just fine. In fact, with the right partner… you know, the ones who keep calling out God’s name, I sometimes forget to drink the beers! Plus, it’s always provided me with a rationalized reason to “thank” God.

Relative to “man-made” disasters like 9/11, the Virginia Tech shootings, or any of several other notable ones, several respondents claimed that such things were man-induced and God had nothing to do with them. In many cases, they claimed that such things were God’s punishment for “man’s” sinfulness, especially that gay stuff.

This attitude seemed prevalent, particularly among conservative, religious-oriented, Republican respondents. As you may or may not know, these people don’t acknowledge the existence of gay people, just straight people living in sin.

But, what about natural disasters? Mr. Stern wanted to know, for example, what role God played in the tsunami that hit southern Asia the day after Christmas in 2004, killing 250,000 people. There were no human elements in this one. No guns. No human plots. So, why’d God let it happen? Who pissed Him off and why?

Mr. Stern wrote a book about this, “Can God Intervene? How Religion Explains Natural Disasters” (Praeger Publishers, 2007, $39.95). He interviewed priests, rabbis, imams, and ministers. He even spoke with some atheists—fanatical atheism is a form of religion, too, ya know.

Anyway, the common thread emanating from the responses was that each of the interviewees was a person in a leadership role. I list some of the revelations below.

Rabbi Harold Kushner, who wrote, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” said that “God does not have the power to stop the laws of nature, but He does have the power to inspire people to be charitable and brave.” (NOTE: I fear that this one is REALLY going to upset the “God is all powerful” crowd—piss them off, big time, to be crude about it.)

A Jesuit priest, the Rev. George Coyne, past director of the Vatican Observatory claimed that, “A loving God created the universe, one that must constantly evolve. The tsunami is part of that process.”

Additionally, various evangelical Christian leaders claimed, in absolute unison, that natural disasters are the result of either original sin or humanity’s collective sinfulness. “We can’t fool God. He does not make mistakes,” they said.

In the Muslim world, the idea is that pain prepares us for the next life. So, it seems that disasters, natural or otherwise, are God’s way of doing us a favor. Conversely, Hindus—nonbelievers in a personal God—believe that human fate is determined by Karma, with suffering as part of the birth-death-rebirth cycle. So, dying in a tsunami is just a part of life. How else are we supposed to accomplish Karma? So, get over it.

I’ve had numerous conversations with Fr. Coyne involving matters of natural law. He’s a brilliant man with impeccable scientific credentials. I respect him as such. I’ve also long admired the likes of the Reverend Billy Graham, Rabbi Harold Kushner, and the Rev. Dr. Robert H. Shuller of the Crystal Cathedral. It isn’t because I believe in their philosophical tenets, but because they have always made the seldom made but critical point that exclusivity has no place in religious beliefs.

For religious leaders of any persuasion to emphasize this idea is unique. As most religious leaders, along with the respective laities, claim their respective religions to be THE only “true” religion, these three men have successfully refrained from doing so… much to their credit.

Regardless, the underlying message from all of the respondents was, ALWAYS, to grant God a pass on the negative happenings and unyielding credit for all to the positive ones.

Still, there is another point of view involving God and disasters… of all sorts. It’s just as valid as the those made by these renowned religious leaders. I’ll write about this point later. I’m just waiting for some self-righteous religious fanatic to piss me off. Trust me; it will happen, perhaps because of this very article. I can only hope.

For now, though, my point is simply that the human race has granted God the ultimate in waivers. No matter how unimaginably horrible the disaster, regardless of how high the tally in human lives (devastated or killed), no matter how seemingly innocent the dead were, no matter how high the cost in property damage, God’s not responsible! It’s ALWAYS man’s fault.

And, according to the monks and nuns of yesteryear, man had better stop his sinful masturbating. If so, maybe, just MAYBE, some of this awful stuff will stop, not to mention the distinct possibility of vastly improved eyesight! I must confess. I wear glasses. The nuns were right! God, this could be disastrous! I’m making an appointment with my eye doctor.

But, no matter what happens, even if I have to resort to a dog and a cane, I’ll be back next week. I’m a touch typist and have no need to “see” the keyboard. I also use a digital recorder to do my pieces. So all I have to do is listen and type. Have a safe and happy July 4^th celebration. Drink all you want, but don’t drive.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Copyright laws apply to all material on this site. Send your comments. Just click here.