The A-rabs are coming!

The A-rabs Are Coming!
By Joseph Walther

It’s happened! Earl—chief spokesperson for the McGoofy Group—bought a computer. Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. Earl, eschewer extreme of all things capitalistic and paranoid par excellence regarding all things Republican, especially George W. Bush, has thrown himself, with wild abandon, into the technological nebulous called Internet. Since this past Thursday, he has sent me twelve emails.

His email address, at least the one he used for his missives to me, is—I swear that I’m not making this stuff up—Sir.Earl.of.Wisom@gmail.com. The fact that he has a Gmail account is significant. It means that he has to know someone who has an account. Google, at least for now, issues Gmail accounts by invitation only.

Earl’s first email arrived this past Thursday evening. He informed me that he had purchased a Gateway GT5034 with a 64-bit Athlon AMD dual core processor. He said he purchased it through the Home Shopping Network for just 5-easy payments of $260 each. He attached a specification sheet and asked me what I thought about the purchase.

I replied with my congratulations and welcomed him to the world of hi-tech bedlam. While acknowledging that he had purchased a powerful computer at a reasonable price, I expressed considerable surprise. “After all,” I explained, “based on our first conversation down at Momma Gina’s Pizza Shop, you left me with the impression that the possession and use of electricity was tantamount to being in bed with the Republican devils.” He replied that he sometimes gets over-zealous when it comes to condemning Republicans but that he does not hate all Republicans, just the rich ones. He thanked me for my reply and told me that he’d be in touch again later.

“Later” arrived in the very early hours of this past Friday morning (1:30 AM… 0130 to all of us techies). This time, Earl asked me what I thought of the Bush Administration’s decision to turn the management of six of our major ports over to the Arabs (Earl pronounces it A-rabs). He also asked me how I thought Ronald Regan would handle this if he were our current president.

I replied to him explaining that the Internet is loaded with information regarding this very move. Most of it is unabashedly political and blatantly partisan. Bush haters of all persuasions are calling for impeachment or, at the very least, his castration. Bush lovers still think he walks on water. That huge silent majority that we all claim to be part of, has no idea what’s going on, but they are sure that he could have gone about this in a more intelligent way.

For sure, though, the majority of Democrats, along with an increasing percentage of the national Republican leadership, have expressed a need for a congressional review. The need for the review is a political reality rather than a security reality. This happens during reelection years.

“Earl”, I said, “I have been doing Internet research longer than I care to admit.” I’ve learned some things, though. The first order of business is to separate fact from fiction. This is easy once you understand that both politics and the media reporting on politics have become bloated with idiocy and hypocrisy.

Each of these entities likes to claim a leadership role. Both attempt to display the perseverance, assertiveness, and aggressiveness of a “true” leader. I do agree that great leaders tend to display such qualities. However, truly great leaders understand that the line between demonstrating these qualities and going too far, even just a teensy bit too far, is microscopically thin. They also understand that crossing this line, just once, redefines you as an asshole, not of a leader.

On the media side of the equation, the talking heads at CNN, MSNBC, FOX, and TNN would do well to remember this. Politically, just about all of the Democratic National Committee leadership and a smaller number of Republicans would also do well to remember it.

Reading between the lines of all of the hyperbole, I think the political motivation behind all of the brouhaha trumps the hell out of any national security concern. Ignoring speculation taken to the extreme, I find myself hard pressed to find any real security concerns. I can think of several other things that scare me a lot more than this.

I am not going to belabor the issue. I have stated in this medium that I am a conservative who thinks that George W. Bush, while a man with a great heart, has a bad head when it comes to leadership. Listening to his many impromptu pronouncements, leaves many people with the impression that he’s a well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-class idiot on a mission to change the world one factual error at a time.

I disagree with this impression. I just think that George Bush is a professionally ridiculous, over-confident moron, better suited to a career in public school administration. And, he would not stand out like the proverbial sore thumb. It would be impossible for people to distinguish him from so many other like-minded people! He’d feel right at home.

Last, I think that Ronald Regan would have approved the same move. However, he would have done it WITH the approval of the United States Congress because he would have discussed it with them BEFORE he announced it. You see, Ronald Regan could speak in complete sentences. He was able to talk to us rather than at us. The late President dealt with a first term, democratically controlled Congress that was far more hostile toward his agenda than anything George Bush has had to face. Essentially, Regan was a lot smarter than George Bush is.

Regan understood the difference between leadership and management and didn’t care a hoot about the latter. He’ll go down in history as having been very effective in dealing with matters of foreign affairs as a result.

Bush will have to spend the next several weeks making a bigger fool out of himself than he usually does. Why? Because he shuns thinking, that’s why. He is a “believer.” Before this matter is settled, his own congressional majority will force him to accede to their collective thinking. They all face reelection in November of this year. He doesn’t. There will be a noticeable compromise.

It’s Harriet Myers all over again. Someone should explain to George that while there is nothing wrong in “believing”, it doesn’t necessarily hurt to “think” about what you “believe” before announcing it to the rest of the country.

I don’t know how any of you feel, but I’m sick and tired of the “my way or the highway” mentality. This growing attempt to impugn peoples’ integrity, patriotism, or any other human attribute, solely because they disagree with us, has done more to polarize the United States, as well as much of the rest of the world, than anything I can remember during my adult lifetime.

Neither liberalism nor conservatism is inherently evil. Similarly, neither is inherently good, either. Millions of Americans claim an affiliation with one side or another. They do so without embarrassment or apology. I respect people, regardless of political attachment, who fight for their beliefs and vote their conscience.

However, people who must stoop to the incessant use of offensive linguistic camouflage and sanitizing euphemisms are neither conservative nor liberal. They are just stupid and, in many cases, plain batshit crazy. I thank God every day for Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. It requires… no, it screamingly demands, that dummies remain completely free to do increasingly stupid things. This is His way of effectively thinning the gene pool without any direct intervention!

See you next week. Oh yeah, if you really want to think about something that is far scarier than assigning the management of our major ports to the A-rabs, try this one. There is a movie, in the making, depicting the life of Mother Theresa of Calcutta. Paris Hilton is a leading candidate for the role of Mother Theresa.

I read this on the front page of one of those supermarket tabloids. So you know that it must be true. If this doesn’t reduce you to a whimpering blob of drooling depression, nothing will.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

The agnony of defeet will get you every time!

The Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat
By Joseph Walther


The 2006 Winter Olympics are in full swing, in case anyone has failed to notice. I congratulate NBC for its 24.5-hours of Olympic coverage per day, too! That’s right; you’ve read it correctly: “TWENTY-FOUR POINT FIVE hours of Olympic coverage per day.” Click here if you don’t believe me. I am quoting Dick Ebersol on this. And, since he is Chairman, NBC Universal Sports & Olympics and Executive Producer of NBC’s Olympic coverage, it must be true, although his claim will confuse some people. I’m betting that some people have already contacted Timex about this.

There is a difference between coverage hours and clock hours. Mr. Ebersol should have realized that some viewers listening to him would misunderstand his meaning and assume that there are 24.5-hours per day instead of 24, as most of us learned shortly after some doctor dragged us kicking and screaming out of the birth canal.

Who is confused, you ask. Well, TV ratings consistently tell us that one in three people watch Maury Povich and Jerry Springer. Worse, two in three watch reality TV. Need I say more? Are you one of them? Check with two of your friends the next time Springer, Povich, or a reality show is on the air. If they’re not watching, then confusion may just be your long coat.

While I’d love to go into more detail about this ugly proposition, I’m not going to do it. I have bigger fish to fry. Instead, I’m going to fill you in on a few of the more fascinating observations that I’ve made over the past week of Olympic coverage.

Here’s something interesting; and I’ll bet you readers had no idea. This Winter Olympics will see 650 referees and judges; 2,500 coaches/team officials; about 6,000 guests of Olympic sponsors; and 2,300 representatives from the international Olympic Committee, national Olympic committees, and various sports federations. All of these people will be watching 2,500 athletes compete in 15 specific sports. These officials will have awarded eighty-four medals by the time it’s all over.

Yes, this information is certainly interesting. I know that I felt my pulse quicken as I researched it. Even so, more interesting is the fact that over 10,000 members of the news media—television, print, and radio—are in Torino, Italy and have spared no expense to bring it all to us. What has the United States media people told us so far?

First off, our media can’t count. If you click here, you will see a report that Olympic officials will award 84-medals in each of the 15-sports. There is a problem with this report. Like Mr. Ebersol’s earlier claim of 24.5-coverage hours per day, the available medals report is just as confusing to the Springer/Povich/Reality TV gang. You see, some of these sports require teams, such as hockey, bobsledding, etc, and each member of the winning teams receives the appropriate medal.

Click here for the complete medal count to-date. Even for the Springer watchers who have to count using their fingers, it is easy to tell that Olympic officials have awarded way more than 84 medals and we are just a tad past the half way mark.

By now, thanks to our NBC broadcasters, we know that Lindsay Kildow did not win a gold medal in the women’s downhill. She fell during her practice run and she injured herself. The injury was serious enough to require a stretcher exit from the hill and a 24-hour hospital stay. We know this because two days after it happened, broadcasters couldn’t mention her name without ad infinitum replays of the incident. Then, it started all over when she competed in the slalom, 24-hours later. She fell again.

Lindsay Kildow went to Torino to compete. This is exactly what she did. She did it to the best of her ability even though she was in pain. This, not her fall or injuries, is what makes her an Olympian and a role model. This is why she represents one of our best. Instead, the clowns at NBC may have unwittingly nominated her for the new “Thrill of victory and the agony of defeat” poster child. I hope not.

Then we had the Johnny Weir show. Johnny is a great figure skater. He’s also a free spirit who skates to the beat of his own drum. To him, he wins when he betters his personal best. Pouting and stomping out of the area were unfortunate manifestations of his disappointment in his performance. He has still provided us with more positive than negative images, but for years to come, the news media will remind him, as well as us, that an impulsive hissy fit, born of frustration and self-condemnation, trumps good performances, no matter how numerous.

During the same skating competition, on the same ice, at the same Olympics, a young American man by the name of Evan Lysacek wowed the watching world as he came back from devastation. Evan had a disastrous performance in his short program. He faltered and fell several times. He was dead last going into the final free style program.

It was easy to tell that he was scared to death as he took the ice in the long program. His entire family was present to watch. Worse, millions of American viewers were watching. The media had all but written him off.

Determined to conquer his fear, he gave the performance of a lifetime. It was a difficult program, full of jumps with ample opportunity for falling. He gave us a flawless routine to the thunderous ovation of the rink-side attendees as well as, I am sure, millions of viewers back in America. He came back from last to finish fifth overall. In his mind, his triumph trumped the hell out of winning a gold medal. And, for a moment, he made us understand what real courage is all about.

Did our media tell us about it? With the exception of Dick Buttons and Scott Hamilton—himself no stranger to personal tragedy—no! Nada! Nothing!

Will the media ever permit Lindsey Jacobellis to forget that she didn't win the gold medal? She was leading by several thousand miles, heading for the finish line in women’s Snowboard Cross finals when she fell. She got a bit too fancy on a final jump and fell. She finished second and won the silver medal.

I’ve read all of the accounts of this and watched the TV interviews. I’ve seen only one interview that made a point of her having won anything. All of the others emphasized that she lost the gold. None of these idiots seems to understand that this young woman is only twenty years old and that impulse is still a strong driving force in such young lives.

Lindsey Jacobellis is an Olympian because she is among the best in her sport. She is among the best in her sport because she’s more determined and works harder than the wannabes. I see it as her making a mistake and still winning a silver medal. Our all-knowing broadcast media sees it as her have lost a gold medal. For all we know she, too, may have been nominated for the new “Thrill of victory and the agony of defeat” poster child.

I could go on at length. Let me just mention Apollo Ono’s miscue in the men’s 1500 meter speed skating event and Emily Hughes replacing an injured Michelle Kwan and Bode Miller’s bad boy antics leading up to and upon his arrival at the Olympic venue. There have been others. These are all superb athletes, full of hope, and wanting to do their level best to make us proud. The slightest miscue, though, and the press will crucify them, rationalizing its conduct under the guise of its usual abundance of blathering stupidity.

Throughout my life of watching Olympic competition, I have yet to hear an Olympian complain about not winning a medal, even during the times when some of them have been the victim of blatant cheating. They are too aware of their good fortunes at being counted among the rolls Olympians to fret over most of the trivial crap that bothers the news media. Good for them!

Oh, here is one last bit of advice for those of you who may decide to surf the Web looking for Olympic facts. This is particularly applicable if you decide to do so with your young children. MAKE SURE THAT YOU SPELL THE ATHLETE’S NAME CORRECTLY! This is critical.

For instance, if you are looking for information about Michelle Kwan, take care that you do not Google M-i-c-h-e-l-e Q-u-a-n. If you do, you won’t get any information on Michelle Kwan; but you could get arrested on a morals charge, if you get my drift! Trust me on this. Michele Quan is NOT Michelle Kwan!

If you’re watching, enjoy the rest of the Olympics and be proud of our athletes’ accomplishments. While you are at it, say a prayer for Jim Lampley so that the Botox injections will wear off and permit him to smile again. Even better, pray that he realizes that he should not take himself so seriously. I know that I don’t.

See you next week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

Those cadillacs are hell!

Pop-Pop Has Cadillacs
By Joseph Walther

I could tell by the expression on her face and the solemnity in her words that she had a problem. It was a serious problem, too. Her lunch guest listened intently as she poured her heart out, at times on the verge of tears. It was difficult not to overhear the conversation because there were no more than 4-feet between our tables. I had to sit there in helpless silence as she sought reassurance from her companion seated across from her.

As she continued talking about her fears, I felt my mind drifting, helplessly. I came face-to-face with a bipolar’s reality, as I momentarily soared to the euphoric pinnacle of loving life and then plummeting to the depths of despondency at the thought of how much the world might really suck!

The world has become an increasingly dangerous place. Iran is at the threshold of developing nuclear weapons, as well as promising to destroy Israel. Islamist extremists have become increasingly determined in their passionate resolve to destroy the infidels in the western hemisphere. This, of course, is in addition to their long-standing mission of converting the rest of the world to Islam.

Drifting back in, I heard her say, “I’m really scared.” Her companion tried to reassure her that everything was going to be fine.

Drifting back out, I went back to thinking…

And, let’s not forget about North Korea, a government run by a walking inferiority complex. He sits up all night long, watching pornographic videos while drinking Jack Daniels and Jim Beam booze by the gallon. He has a hairdo from hell and the looks of a man who couldn’t make out in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifty-dollar bills. He has nothing to lose and he might as well take the rest of the world with him.

Yes, compared to this stuff, our nail biting sparring with the former Soviet Union seems reminiscent of a harmless game of Tiddly Winks. In fact, I’ve often found myself nostalgically longing for those tranquil days of yesteryear.

Drifting... drifting back in, I heard her say…

“Is it going to hurt him?” Her companion said something, but I started to drift back out.

Drifting out again, I continued thinking…

Take me back to a time when, in the world’s eyes, the Soviets were the clear-cut bad guys wearing black cowboy hats. We, of course, were the good guys wearing white cowboy hats, always riding in to save the oppressed from tyranny. The rules were clear. They were evil and we were good. Their job was to keep the lid on in their hemisphere and we’d do the same in our neck of the woods.

Even though the Soviets didn’t give a crap about what the rest of the world thought, we, the United States, did care what the world thought of us. While the sounds of our intramural saber rattling echoed throughout the world, religious zealotry was not a motivation for either of our countries to take the world to the brink of Armageddon for the glory of Allah.

In retrospect, threatening each other with mutually assured nuclear annihilation seemed like a fun thing to do. It wasn’t as though we’d actually do it. Being secular countries, both of us had mutually vested interests in keeping beer, vodka, and sex alive and well. We both realized just how much of a crimp a nuclear war would put in these kinds of activities!

On a more personal basis, heartbreaks confront all of us. You may be one of the millions with a spouse, child, parent, or friend facing a terminal illness. I am sure that most, if not all, of you readers have witnessed lives torn to shreds as the result of personal disasters. Yes, the evidence is conclusive. Disaster does not discriminate.

Drifting… Drifting back in, I once again became fully aware of my surroundings and…

Suddenly, the urgency in her voice snapped me permanently back to the present. “He has to have an operation,” she sighed. “He might die,” she speculated. “I think he’ll be ok. Lots of older people have this operation,” said her lunch companion. “But daddy, Pop-Pop has cadillacs in his eyes,” she said, as a tears began to well up in her young eyes. “Will he be able to see again,” she pleaded.

The little girl’s name is Britney and she’s 5-years old. She’s no more than 3-feet tall. Her lunch companion was her daddy, Eric. Guessing, I’d put him at around twenty-five, give or take a year.

And, make no mistake about it. Britney loves her Pop-Pop. Her concern was as real as reality gets, and I could tell that her daddy understood it perfectly.

Her father looked at me and I just grinned back. I leaned over and told Britney about a friend of mine who also had cadillacs in his eyes. “He had the same operation and it only took about 15-minutes. It didn’t hurt at all and they didn’t even put him to sleep. He feels great now,” I said. She seemed to feel better as I said good-bye and walked away from the table. She and her dad were still talking, but she was smiling more than frowning.

Walking towards the mall’s exit, I again thought about how screwed up and dangerous our world has become. Then, I thought about Eric, Britney’s twenty-something year old daddy. Young as he appeared, he seemed more introspective than I was at his age.

He had a sense of empathy about what his young daughter was thinking. He spoke to her, not at her and he was able to draw her feelings out and let her talk about them. The mutual love and trust were plainly evident. It made me feel good and confident that there are far more loving and understanding relationships in the world than the dysfunctional ones we read about ad infinitum.

Yes, the world seems pretty messed up. I suspect, however, that much of it is illusionary. Even though the number of Eric and Britney-like folks outnumber the loonies, the loonies get all of the press. Perhaps this is why we get the feeling that we’re all doomed.

Compared to the rest of the world, America’s inconveniences outnumber her real problems by a significant margin. Rational people can tell the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. Jerks can’t. We can prevent temporary inconveniences from becoming overwhelming problems. All we have to do is devote more scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

I see a lot more people like Eric, Britney, and their likes than I do jerks. It makes me feel better about the younger generation and increases my enthusiasm for life in general. We need to give these young people more credit than we have been giving them. They—not the jerks—represent our future and they are light years from stupid.

Sure, they’re young and sometimes rebellious, but they’ll do just fine. I’ll bet a buck or two on the fact that they are going to continue growing in mind and spirit until the day that they can collectively begin to worry about the younger generation, just as we did.

Finally, while I thought it inappropriate to discuss this with a 5-year old, I must tell you readers about it.

While having a cadillac in one eye must be a bummer, having cadillacs in both eyes must be awful. But, for sheer discomfort and pain, experience has shown me that nothing compares to having thyroids, especially when they are swollen and bleeding. They make the simple act of sitting down a monument to torture. And the surgery to fix this problem makes removing cadillacs seem like child’s play; not to mention the fact that it hurts like hell, even after it is over!

Have a great week. If you are so inclined, say a prayer for Britney’s Pop-Pop. I realize that it’s just cadillac removal, but a small prayer can’t hurt anything.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.

I don't believe it!

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear
By Joseph Walther


Boy, did I ever walk into a buzz saw last week when I stopped at the Mamma Gina Pizza stand at the Farmer’s Market in New Castle County, Delaware. I didn’t mean to stir up a controversy. It’s just that I have a weakness for good pizza and Mamma Gina makes good pizza. I had no idea that Earl and his McGoofy Group were in the middle of another critical meeting. As I paid for my slice of pizza and drink, I heard Earl’s voice shout, “Hey, Mr. True Facts, I wanna talk to you!”

I looked in the direction of the shout. There was Earl, in his pontifical splendor, surrounded by seven other men. I recognized Jake, Howie, and Bert from the last time we had spoken. I also noticed that Jeb was missing. As I approached the group, I could not help but wonder who the other four men were.

“Hey, guys,” I said. “Your group has grown in number. Where’s Jeb and who are these other men,” I asked. “Jeb’s down in Dover, but he’ll be back later today,” Earl explained. Pointing, he introduced me to Larry, his brother Daryl, and his other brother Daryl. “The other guy’s name is John, a friend of Larry’s from when they met in New England,” Earl told me. “It’s nice to meet all of you,” I said pulling up a chair.

I asked Earl what was on his mind. “I read your BLOG, and I don’t think you were very fair calling us the McGoofy Group. You made us sound like a clueless bunch of down homers”, he charged. “Besides,” he continued, “you can’t prove that our Bush theory is wrong.” The others nodded in agreement.

“Earl,” I said, “You have a point. I can’t prove that you and your band of followers are wrong. However, I don’t have to prove that you’re wrong. All I did was repeat, verbatim, what you said. The rest was nothing but editorial comment about the nature of your charge. Legally, Earl, when someone levels a charge against another, the leveler has to prove the charge. The levelee doesn’t have to do a thing. You made the statement. You have to prove it.”

John, from New England, chimed in with, “Ya caunt ahgue with his logic, ma friend. Ya may not want ta heah what he’s sayin’, but ya need ta resist the fahst impulse to execute the messenja.” Larry and his brother Daryl nodded in agreement; Larry’s other brother, Daryl, looked puzzled.

Out of the blue and looking at me straight in the eyes, Earl asked me if I thought Judge Alito’s confirmation to the Supreme Court would end legalized abortion. “I don’t know, Earl,” I said. “However, having read the Constitution and Bill of Rights many times, I have yet to figure out where, specifically, the Bill of Rights declares that an abortion is a constitutional right. I’m neither condemning nor condoning abortion, mind you. I’m simply wondering about interpretation.”

“Think about it, Earl,” I continued. “I’ll give you a free copy of the Bill of Rights and Constitution. Then, you tell me where this revered document spells out abortion as a right.” “It don’t spell out a-b-o-r-t-i-o-n for God’s sake,” Earl told me. “It’s a matter of correctly figerin’ out what our forefathers meant.”

I said, “Every time that various groups in this country want to promote or condemn something via the Constitution, they refer back to ‘what our forefathers meant,’” I told Earl that I thought this to be a lot of bunk. Each of the rights enumerated in the Bill of Rights, resulted from a “government” denying our forefathers those very rights. In other words, these men were determined to make sure that they protected their contemporaries, and future generations, against the kind of tyranny that provoked the revolutionary war in the first place.

Stretching my imagination to its limit, I don’t think that a right to an abortion, perceived or otherwise, was even on the agenda.

I wanted Earl to know that the uniqueness of our Constitution and the rights provided by it to future generations of Americans, have less to do with interpreting our forefathers’ words and more with how smart they were as a group.

The authors of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and Constitution were comprised of financially comfortable, gutsy white guys who, once they decided that enough was enough, did something about it. They were no more or less virtuous than most of their contemporaries. They were just ordinary men, living according to the social dictates of their time and attempting to change some undesirable circumstances for the better.

However, as standards of group dynamics go, they stand shoulders above the gang we have in Washington, D. C. today.

First, they believed in what they were doing. They knew what they needed to do, but they didn’t label as treason differences in opinion as to how to accomplish their goals. Second, they assumed that if the ideals of freedom took hold, the country would grow in size and complexity. Third, and perhaps the most important, they realized that they didn’t know everything.

Realizing that they didn’t know it all, they provided a method for future generations to change the Constitution, if changing social needs were to dictate a change. However, in an even more obvious display of brilliance, they made sure that the process for change would not be easy.

“There are many problems that we have to deal with today, Earl,” I said. “Furthermore, women undergoing voluntary abortions and people who find themselves physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex are not high on my list of reasons for changing the Constitution of the United States.” I had to admit, though, that an increase in the latter would lead to a decrease in the former.

“Name a problem that you consider critical,” commanded Earl in a rather condescending tone. “Alright, I will,” I countered with a smugness that comes with age and its associated wisdom.

Before I got to the actual critical problem I was thinking of, I decided to make sure that Earl and his group understood the importance of perspective when analyzing a problem’s seriousness. Perspective, however, tends to change with age and insight. From my twenties through my mid-forties, for example, Communism had to be defeated at any costs! And, it wasn’t just Communism, either. We had to solve world hunger and poverty, not to mention the fact that nuclear proliferation was causing nightmares! Then, there was the ever-present threat from general ignorance.

For example, I remember a television movie called The War of the Worlds. It was based on a 1938 radio program done by Orson Welles, wherein he did a fictional “news” broadcast about Martians invading Grover Mills, New Jersey. Not only did the locals panic, the whole country went crazy with fear.

What a bunch of yahoos! How could anyone believe that Martians landed in Grover Mills? The entire plot may have been credible by a 1938 perspective, but my 1970s perspective told me that the Martians did not invade Grover Mills. Just looking at how the United States Congress views reality, proves that the Martians had actually landed in Washington, D. C. Moreover, many of them are still there!

So, for Earl and all of the members of the McGoofy group, from this 63-year old’s perspective, the most critical problem facing mankind today is the need to find a different way of examining the prostate. The sooner we get this done, the better!

Have a great week. By the way, I just found out that there is no “Mamma Gina”. The owner of joint, a man, made the name up. Madre de Dios, my life has been shattered again! I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I just found out about six months ago that there is no “Mr. Duplifax”. It’s just an advertising gimmick aimed at selling copy machines! Will this deceit ever end?

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.