I don't believe it!

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear
By Joseph Walther


Boy, did I ever walk into a buzz saw last week when I stopped at the Mamma Gina Pizza stand at the Farmer’s Market in New Castle County, Delaware. I didn’t mean to stir up a controversy. It’s just that I have a weakness for good pizza and Mamma Gina makes good pizza. I had no idea that Earl and his McGoofy Group were in the middle of another critical meeting. As I paid for my slice of pizza and drink, I heard Earl’s voice shout, “Hey, Mr. True Facts, I wanna talk to you!”

I looked in the direction of the shout. There was Earl, in his pontifical splendor, surrounded by seven other men. I recognized Jake, Howie, and Bert from the last time we had spoken. I also noticed that Jeb was missing. As I approached the group, I could not help but wonder who the other four men were.

“Hey, guys,” I said. “Your group has grown in number. Where’s Jeb and who are these other men,” I asked. “Jeb’s down in Dover, but he’ll be back later today,” Earl explained. Pointing, he introduced me to Larry, his brother Daryl, and his other brother Daryl. “The other guy’s name is John, a friend of Larry’s from when they met in New England,” Earl told me. “It’s nice to meet all of you,” I said pulling up a chair.

I asked Earl what was on his mind. “I read your BLOG, and I don’t think you were very fair calling us the McGoofy Group. You made us sound like a clueless bunch of down homers”, he charged. “Besides,” he continued, “you can’t prove that our Bush theory is wrong.” The others nodded in agreement.

“Earl,” I said, “You have a point. I can’t prove that you and your band of followers are wrong. However, I don’t have to prove that you’re wrong. All I did was repeat, verbatim, what you said. The rest was nothing but editorial comment about the nature of your charge. Legally, Earl, when someone levels a charge against another, the leveler has to prove the charge. The levelee doesn’t have to do a thing. You made the statement. You have to prove it.”

John, from New England, chimed in with, “Ya caunt ahgue with his logic, ma friend. Ya may not want ta heah what he’s sayin’, but ya need ta resist the fahst impulse to execute the messenja.” Larry and his brother Daryl nodded in agreement; Larry’s other brother, Daryl, looked puzzled.

Out of the blue and looking at me straight in the eyes, Earl asked me if I thought Judge Alito’s confirmation to the Supreme Court would end legalized abortion. “I don’t know, Earl,” I said. “However, having read the Constitution and Bill of Rights many times, I have yet to figure out where, specifically, the Bill of Rights declares that an abortion is a constitutional right. I’m neither condemning nor condoning abortion, mind you. I’m simply wondering about interpretation.”

“Think about it, Earl,” I continued. “I’ll give you a free copy of the Bill of Rights and Constitution. Then, you tell me where this revered document spells out abortion as a right.” “It don’t spell out a-b-o-r-t-i-o-n for God’s sake,” Earl told me. “It’s a matter of correctly figerin’ out what our forefathers meant.”

I said, “Every time that various groups in this country want to promote or condemn something via the Constitution, they refer back to ‘what our forefathers meant,’” I told Earl that I thought this to be a lot of bunk. Each of the rights enumerated in the Bill of Rights, resulted from a “government” denying our forefathers those very rights. In other words, these men were determined to make sure that they protected their contemporaries, and future generations, against the kind of tyranny that provoked the revolutionary war in the first place.

Stretching my imagination to its limit, I don’t think that a right to an abortion, perceived or otherwise, was even on the agenda.

I wanted Earl to know that the uniqueness of our Constitution and the rights provided by it to future generations of Americans, have less to do with interpreting our forefathers’ words and more with how smart they were as a group.

The authors of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and Constitution were comprised of financially comfortable, gutsy white guys who, once they decided that enough was enough, did something about it. They were no more or less virtuous than most of their contemporaries. They were just ordinary men, living according to the social dictates of their time and attempting to change some undesirable circumstances for the better.

However, as standards of group dynamics go, they stand shoulders above the gang we have in Washington, D. C. today.

First, they believed in what they were doing. They knew what they needed to do, but they didn’t label as treason differences in opinion as to how to accomplish their goals. Second, they assumed that if the ideals of freedom took hold, the country would grow in size and complexity. Third, and perhaps the most important, they realized that they didn’t know everything.

Realizing that they didn’t know it all, they provided a method for future generations to change the Constitution, if changing social needs were to dictate a change. However, in an even more obvious display of brilliance, they made sure that the process for change would not be easy.

“There are many problems that we have to deal with today, Earl,” I said. “Furthermore, women undergoing voluntary abortions and people who find themselves physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex are not high on my list of reasons for changing the Constitution of the United States.” I had to admit, though, that an increase in the latter would lead to a decrease in the former.

“Name a problem that you consider critical,” commanded Earl in a rather condescending tone. “Alright, I will,” I countered with a smugness that comes with age and its associated wisdom.

Before I got to the actual critical problem I was thinking of, I decided to make sure that Earl and his group understood the importance of perspective when analyzing a problem’s seriousness. Perspective, however, tends to change with age and insight. From my twenties through my mid-forties, for example, Communism had to be defeated at any costs! And, it wasn’t just Communism, either. We had to solve world hunger and poverty, not to mention the fact that nuclear proliferation was causing nightmares! Then, there was the ever-present threat from general ignorance.

For example, I remember a television movie called The War of the Worlds. It was based on a 1938 radio program done by Orson Welles, wherein he did a fictional “news” broadcast about Martians invading Grover Mills, New Jersey. Not only did the locals panic, the whole country went crazy with fear.

What a bunch of yahoos! How could anyone believe that Martians landed in Grover Mills? The entire plot may have been credible by a 1938 perspective, but my 1970s perspective told me that the Martians did not invade Grover Mills. Just looking at how the United States Congress views reality, proves that the Martians had actually landed in Washington, D. C. Moreover, many of them are still there!

So, for Earl and all of the members of the McGoofy group, from this 63-year old’s perspective, the most critical problem facing mankind today is the need to find a different way of examining the prostate. The sooner we get this done, the better!

Have a great week. By the way, I just found out that there is no “Mamma Gina”. The owner of joint, a man, made the name up. Madre de Dios, my life has been shattered again! I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I just found out about six months ago that there is no “Mr. Duplifax”. It’s just an advertising gimmick aimed at selling copy machines! Will this deceit ever end?

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.