The Daily Show is not the real news!

I Heard On The Daily Show…
By Joseph Walther


It has been quite some time since I’ve shared some of the emails that I receive because of this column. While voluminous, most of them are legitimate and well-reasoned responses to what I write. I welcome all of them, whether they voice agreement or disagreement. I answer as many of them as I can.

Of course, not all of the emails are reason-based. Some are just too stupid for words. I don’t receive a lot of this type, but the few that I receive are doozies. A fair percentage of emails come from people with huge emotional investments in their viewpoints that it makes reasonable discourse impossible. Finally, I receive occasional threats.

I use very effective filtering software. This is especially important for those who feel overwhelmingly driven to threaten me. The threat-charged email goes into a special folder that I am able to check. If necessary, I forward copies to the originators’ ISP spoofing and abuse teams, with additional copies to local police agencies. It works quite well, as some have found out.

My software also filters the stupid stuff. Unlike the threats, these emails are amusing. Many of them border on the outlandishly hilarious. In fact, this is the stuff that I enjoy sharing with readers the most. I never include email addresses because my lawyer won’t permit it. I do, however, use whatever names the senders used in sending me the email. I also quote the senders verbatim.

I’ve been doing this column in its electronic form for almost two years. During that time, I’ve come to a preliminary conclusion that there must be a universal mind meld of all stupid people. They all seem to use the same level of monosyllabic vocabulary, the same misspellings, the same methodology in flawed logic, the same technique of stating personal opinion as irrefutable fact. Once their minds have been set, all of them hate to be confused with facts.

There is not sufficient time, space, nor desire to list all of the emails here. Here are a few taken from various filter controls; I’ve included my responses.

The Too Stupid for Words category

From “ilikewimin”… (I swear that this was in the header “from” box. However, he signed the mail as “Scooter”.)

“I been readin yor blog for bout a year. You must be qweer cause you always take there side. It dont matter what libral asswipes like you say cause its flat out rong for fags to get married. Yor pissed because we finly got a president that understands the bible and stand up for it.”

My response…

Scooter, you are living proof that I’ve been wrong for a long time. All of my adult life, I’ve assumed that the Neanderthals had gone extinct eons ago. I am going to have to revisit this.

The idea of two gays, of either gender, marrying each other does not come close to worrying me. Nor do I think that such events will cause any damage to the “sanctity” of marriage. I know too many gays who have been in committed relationships for many years.

You, on the other hand, scare the living crap out of me! Even if all of the world’s gays were as abjectly stupid as you sound, they would still pose a far less threat to society as you do. You see, as gays, they would not be breeding. You, God forbid, may already have done so. Several times, perhaps!

Your last name wouldn’t be Libby, would it?

The Not Stupid Category

From “mel43”…

“Why do you seem to hate Bush so much? You bash him a lot. Do you think Kerry would have been a better president?

My response…

Mel, I don’t hate George W. Bush. I think he has been a detriment as our president. While I did not agree with his decision to go into Iraq, once he made it, I supported him. His execution of that war, however, has been positively atrocious, causing the loss of more lives than necessary. The resources we’ve wasted there have rendered us too vulnerable in the face of much bigger threats, such as Iran, North Korea, and Parris Hilton.

I bash him because he’s so, um… bashable. He graduated from Yale. Even with a “C” average, back then a Yale graduation was an accomplishment, his daddy’s money notwithstanding. He also obtained an MBA from Harvard. This, too, is not easy to do. So, I think there’s is a bit more intellect in him than his enemies are willing to admit.

What good is it, though, when he can’t demonstrate it in the affective domain? There are no less than seven books of “Bushisms” available in the humor section at Borders or Barnes and Noble. Read some of the stuff that comes out of his mouth during impromptu public remarks. Also, his publicly stating, “The jury’s still out on evolution” definitely weakened his attempt a joining Mensa. His wife, being a librarian, must cringe every time he opens his mouth. It’s a wonder that his father has not keeled over dead from the stress.

Finally, I do not think that Kerry would have been a better president. This is why I voted for George Bush.

The Not Stupid Category

From “super-r”…

“The dems were in control of this country for close to 45-years. The repubs inherited all of those problems. We can’t afford to let those dorks back in control of congress.”

My response…

Super, you will get no argument from me that the Democrats controlled the show from FDR’s second term through 1979. Ronald Reagan started a conservative revolution with his presidential nomination in 1980 and solidified the conservative grip on the Congress and Nation with his landslide reelection in 1985.

The conservatives have been running the show since then. It is now 2006 and this means that they have been doing things their way for over 20-years. We’re just as bad off, only in a different way.

Yes, tons of our current problems found life over the 45-years of liberal political control. The solutions to most of those problems amounted to political suicide to any politician who dared to fix them. So, when the new conservative breed took over, they ignored those festering problems. Now we have a whole host of conservative problems, the solutions to which will be just as politically suicidal for anyone wishing to solve them effectively. What goes around does, in deed, seem to come around.

Veto proof political control, by whichever political party, is bad for the country. A president’s role is to lead, not browbeat. An effective president should challenge the citizenry and its elected representatives to move us forward, not rehash blame for our past failures. It is not a president’s job to keep the Congress’s feet to fire. That’s our job as voters. Herein is the primary problem.

Our current culture has permitted market forces to replace our collective value system. We no longer have debates, political or otherwise; we have marketing campaigns, wherein the political forces harness voters as though they were customers. While our aggregate lowest common denominator has fallen to lower and lower standards of acceptability, we’ve collectively reduced truth to whatever happens to sell at the time.

On the one hand we have conservative and liberal media outlets—some refer to them as the News Media—that simply look at viewers as consumers. They bias or prejudice their programs in a way that garners the most rating points.

Our schools no longer teach critical thinking based on verifiable facts, except within the realm of hard science. Even at this, fundamentalists want creationism taught as though it were a scientific theory. And, if we don’t permit it, they accuse us of depriving children of their religious heritage. Without the ability to think independently, society seems divided between those with supreme religiously mandated values and those with none at all. It becomes the “good” versus the “evil.”

The current Republican leadership has learned this well and use it to the party’s political advantage. The Democratic leadership has yet to do so. They’d better get on the stick if they want to survive. And, if we, the voters, don’t wise up soon, we’re all doomed and it will be our own fault.

See you next week.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Send your comments. Just click here.