Please! Our kids are not THAT stoopid, man.

By Joseph Walther

I stopped at a Wendy’s^® restaurant last night. I was third in a line of 5-customers. The customer being waited on was a woman in her mid-to-late-40s. She had just ordered a “TRIPLE” classic hamburger with cheese and a baked potato with butter.

That’s a hamburger with three meat patties, two slices of cheese, tomato, lettuce, onions, pickles, and a gookie-looking, dripping mixture of ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise. Yuck! The baked potato, of course, needs no explanation.

To make a long story short, the young man at the cash register had already entered the order when the customer dropped a bombshell. I swear I’m not making this up—“NO meat on that burger and NO skin on the baked potato”—she demanded.

The employee looked simultaneously confused and terrified. He seemed speechless for a few moments before he started to explain that he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle the transaction.

The customer became indignant, calling him a “hopeless moron,” and demanded to speak to the manager.

Though the customer hadn’t realized it, the manager had been standing back observing the entire transaction. So, when he—a 50ish-looking man—stepped forward with, “I’m right here, ma’am,” she looked a bit stunned but immediately began to berate him, also.

He cut her off in mid-sentence. “Lyle is NOT a hopeless moron. He’s a straight “A” high school student and a valued employee”, he told her. “We’re not going to fill your order, either,” he continued.

“This is a hamburger joint. If you don’t want the meat on your sandwich, take it off and throw it away. If you don’t want the skin on your baked potato, don’t eat it, but we’re not going to take it off for you,” he explained. “If this does not suit you, kindly leave and don’t come back,” he finished.

She threatened to sue him and stomped out of the restaurant. As she left, though, I’m sure she heard the rousing applause that all five of us customers gave the manager. In fact, all of us gave him our names and phone numbers, just in case. Two of us, me included, gave him our email addresses.

Just the day before this, at a Concord Mall concession stand, I observed two old men—75-years old, at least—discussing why they thought Congress should vote to make certain provisions of the Patriot Act permanent.

The “kid” waiting on them was—I found out after they left—a 16-year-old second trimester high school sophomore. However, she spoke with the wisdom of someone much older and wiser.

Anyway, these two old codgers felt that the only people who had anything to fear from the Patriot Act were potential evil-doers and that such people deserved whatever the government could heap upon them.

I was about to reach down their throats and yank them inside out for being such wussies. But, as it turned out, the young lady waiting on them did it for me, only she did so with the grace and intellectual acumen of a seasoned diplomat.

“I don’t see it that way,” she explained to them. Our Constitution already provides a president with the authority to take such action. My Government Studies teacher has explained that our government has the power to suspend some of the provisions of the Constitution during declared wars.”

Continuing, she elaborated that, “I do not favor letting any branch of the government, let alone the dummies in Homeland Security, decide that whatever I may be doing is illegal without me and my lawyer being involved in the conversation.”

She further explained, “We shouldn’t prevent the President from fighting terrorists in this country. Making certain provisions of the Patriot Act permanent, though, simply deprives us of some basic rights and freedoms by permitting police authorities to be the sole determinants of what is a crime, based purely on their selective definitions and without our having any input whatsoever.”

How refreshing! This young woman displayed wisdom beyond her years. At the young age of sixteen, she already understands that some people, by virtue of their positions, have the absolute authority to define reality anyway they see fit. Baseball umpires and the members of the United States Supreme Court are two primary examples.

In baseball, a pitch is a ball or strike, NOT because it actually IS, but because the home plate umpire calls it as such. There’s no appeal, either. In fact, a player can be thrown out of the game just for questioning the call. The player has no defense whatsoever!

In the matter of our Constitution, it is whatever five of nine Justices say that it is. And, the makeup of the Supreme Court falls to the Presidents in power at the time they fill various vacancies, unless the United States Senate refuses to go along, which happens so seldom that it’s not worth discussing.

We, the people, don’t get to debate the appointments or the Court’s decisions. They become the laws of the land. Violate them and go to jail or suffer serious financial loss.

She asked them: “Are you sure you want to give this kind of power to the crowd in Homeland Security based on some misguided illusion of feeling safe? You want to be declared guilty simply because THEY say so?”

“Neither your presence nor your defense will be necessary. No lawyer for you! No limits on your detention and/or ultimate prison time, either.” As they walked away from the counter, she explained with emphatic finality, “Count me out!”

I suspect that there are more young folks of this caliber than there are of the stupid variety. It’s just that we don’t get to hear about the former because it doesn’t sell as many newspapers or increase TV news ratings as much as the latter.

Besides, assuming the youth of the land are stupid is the best way we have of boosting our own feeling of intellectual superiority. It gives us a continual scapegoat for blaming our own stupidity on the “younger” generation.

I don’t know whether she had any impact on the two old guys, but she has my vote. I won’t be alive, but she’ll make a great senator or president someday unless we self-destruct beforehand.

Have a great week and don’t fall for any April Fools tricks. Talk to you next week, same time and channel.

Joseph Walther is a freelance writer and publisher of The True Facts. Copyright laws apply to all material on this site. Send your comments. Just click here.