You've Got Mail

Boy, Do I Get Mail!
By: Joseph Walther

It has been awhile since I have had a chance to share some of the email I receive. Most of it comes from people who agree or disagree with what I write. I receive other mail from people asking me to investigate one thing or another. Another category of email comes from people who ask for my opinion regarding things that may be going on in society in general. Some of it is quite sincere. A lot of it is just hilarious and I cannot resist the urge to answer it publicly.

Before digging through the email, however, I would like to make an announcement. A good friend of mine, Schitfrum Shyknolla, Ph.D., will be contributing as a guest columnist from time-to-time. Dr. Shyknolla, pronounced Shy knol la, is a Psychologist and will be writing about relationships and such. Frankly, I have never given much thought to the “moonbeam” sciences. To me, Sociology has always been comprised of taking off all of our clothes and jumping onto a pile, while Psychology has always been a means to figure out why. Obviously, I have been wrong all of this time.

Now let me turn my attention to some of the mail I have received because of this column. Keep in mind that I only provide the username and not the full email address. I would not want to carry a heavy conscience over the potentiality for some of these people being located.

From “theklawyer”...

He actually used his real name but I will not repeat it. Anyway, “thelawyer” was rather incensed over my “apparent” lack of respect for lawyers and DEMANDED an apology. “You speak of lawyers as though they are all a bunch of crooks. You owe a lot of lawyers an apology and I suspect that we will be getting one!” he wrote.

My reply…

Mr. “thelawyer”, I have never said that “all” lawyers are a bunch of crooks. I said that many lawyers are experts at obfuscating the simple facts. I don’t know whether it is a reading comprehension problem or a guilty conscience that causes you to accuse me of saying things I did not say. If you undertook the amount of research that I have relative to conduct among the professions, you would surely realize that the per capita sleaze factor is higher within the legal profession than in any other.

Such was not the case twenty-five years ago. On the other hand, when law schools spring into existence like pop-tarts, graduating anyone with a pulse and the money for tuition, I guess we need to expect too many lawyers chasing after too few litigation dollars. There will be no retraction or apology.

From “thk2189”…

“Why is it that the seemingly more inflated egos tend to belong to public figures?”

My reply…

First, there is nothing wrong with an ego. We all have egos. Without one, we would not last very long at all. Inflated egos, on the other hand, are another matter. In my opinion, this latter type of egotism is nature’s compensation for mediocrity. Politicians, Academics in general, and Public Administrators, particularly school boards, all tend to have egos the size of small galaxies and tempers to match. They write in passive voice, using too many words to express a few ideas. This all stems from a desire to project more intelligence than actually exists.

From “wally”…

“I read your stuff every week. Why the fuck are you so Goddam sure that evolution is a fact? You got something against xtrians and our bible? Who the hell left you in charge? On the other hand, your brains are probably more like a monkey’s than a God-created human!”

My reply…

Wally, I don’t know where to start. So let me begin with a correction and a clarification. I am sure “Goddam” is two words as in God dam. As a means of clarification, I am going to assume that “xtrians” means Christians.

I am not sure that evolution is a fact. I have never said as much. No one is sure that it is a fact. On the other hand, I AM sure that it scientifically explains many more of life’s questions than it does not. Evolution, over the 150 plus years since its publication, has withstood the scientific test of time repeatedly. Creationism and Intelligent Design, on the other hand, explain nothing nor can anyone scientifically test them.

Why, “wally”, do you and your ilk feel so compelled to make an either/or situation out of evolution and God? I’ll bet you anything that I have spent a lot more time contemplating the possible existence of God than you have relative to Him not existing. I realize that the horror of such a possibility is too much for you to contemplate.

I know thousands of Christians and count about 200 or so as friends. I like them very much and I think the bible is a wonderful book. On the other hand, the group that you refer to consist of nothing more than sanctimony-laden, clueless idiots, all on a perpetual tour of the absolute. If the shoe fits, “wally”, go ahead and wear it. Get some sleep; at least it will give you a chance to rest your knuckles from scraping on the ground as you walk. Does your reference to my brain and the monkey make me a monkey's uncle? If so, it beats being your uncle!

From “mrsdoubtfire”…

“I have read all of your columns. I think you are a good writer but you seem to be more of a pessimist than an optimist. Everything is not black and white and, just perhaps, if you would look at the bright side of things, the world would not seem so bleak.”

My reply…

While I am not sure if your email is complimentary or a criticism, I am going to assume the former. How is that for optimism? This said, my position on the subjects of pessimism and optimism is that you cannot win from either perspective. Do you realize, “mrsdoubtfire” that, technically speaking, it is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised? An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist’s greatest fear, on the other hand, is that this is true! A guy just can’t win sometime!

Finally, I must share this last one. It is a classic and may go in my book as one of the all-time greats. This is impossible to make up!

From mongo1961

“I just seen your column on the web. You got to be some kinda queer lover. This is an abombination against God and it just aint normal. I aint full of hate or nothin like that. I just fel sorry for em. You rite prety good if it wernt for the queer stuff.”

My response…

Wow! I thought all of the Neanderthals were dead. I learned very long ago, “mongo1961”, not to attribute any words or deeds to malice when I can adequately explain them as a byproduct of stupidity. So, please be assured that I do not think you are mean or hateful. Flawed logic is a real problem. You have to remember this at all times. Using flawed logic amounts to nothing more than a systematic method of arriving at the wrong conclusion with confidence. Sometimes it is just better to keep quiet and let people think that you are a moron than to open your mouth and prove it. Why go to the added risk associated with being precise when you don’t know what you are talking about. It would do you well to remember that all things are possible ONLY to the grossly ignorant.

Joe Walther is a freelance writer. You may contact him by clicking on CONTACT ME above or by email at Joe_Walther@comcast.net