Murphy didn't do nuthin. I swear!

I don’t get mad. I just get even!
By: Joseph Walther


I read an article the other day concerning Murphy’s Law. The author’s message was simple. Murphy is a stacked deck. No matter what we do to prevent disasters, Murphy will see to it that our efforts fail. The deeper I read into the article, the more convinced I became that its author had partaken of too much Kickapoo Joy Juice and that he would be more suited to a career in politics or public school administration.

Witnesses have placed Murphy at the scenes of every disaster known to humanity. He was, no doubt, aboard the space shuttle Challenger on January 28, 1986 when it exploded just 73 seconds after liftoff. Murphy was the only survivor. He was also aboard Columbia on February 1, 2003 when it disintegrated in flames upon re-entry, just about 16 minutes from its scheduled landing. Again, Murphy was the only survivor.

On May 25, 1979, Murphy found his way on board American Airlines Flight 191 out of O’Hare International in Chicago. That flight crashed on take off after losing an engine. Of course, American Airlines didn’t list him on the passenger manifest. Just the same, though, he was there! He was also a stowaway aboard the Titanic and an observer during the Columbine High School massacre in Colorado. In every instance, Murphy was the only survivor

Between December 12, 1952 and September 30, 1999, there have been twenty-one nuclear disasters throughout the world. Six of them occurred in the United States with two of those happening in the State of Tennessee. An additional six occurred in the old Soviet Union with two of them being in Chernobyl. Britain, Canada, Germany, and Japan all made their own contributions. Mr. Murphy, I hasten to add, was present in every one of them. He survived all of them.

Pick any disaster at random. While Mr. Murphy’s presence is undeniable, there is not a shred of direct evidence that he caused any of the disasters. Murphy is not an agent of cause. He’s just an observer and even this is not his day job. Mr. Murphy’s full time job is to be a constant reminder that NO ONE is capable of beating the Law of Averages. His law states this quite clearly. In essence, Murphy’s Law states that if anything bad can possibly happen, it will, eventually. Furthermore, when it does happen we are not going to find it trivial.

When we put enough human beings in close enough proximity to explosives, eventually something is going to blow up killing people and destroying property. Aircraft manufacturers short circuit safe procedures in order to cut costs. We know they do this because we have caught them in the act. They don’t do this with anticipated malice. It’s simply a question of odds. Regardless, it still amounts to a play against the Law of Averages. Unfortunately, when that law gets even, it will do so with a vengeance, taking a disastrous toll in human life and suffering.

This is exactly what happened in both space shuttle disasters. Likewise, in every nuclear disaster discussed earlier, the bets were always against the Law of Averages. Mr. Murphy has been trying to explain to us humans since the beginning of time that the Law of Averages will win one from time-to-time and when it does, it probably won’t be pleasant.

Whenever Eddy Ego engages in a sexual affair with Annabelle Arrogance, the resultant love child is a kid named Sylvester Stupidity. Since there seems to be no shortage of the Egos and the Arrogances, the stream of Stupidities tends to be endless. So, the continued and ill-advised bets against the Law of Averages are not going to diminish. Keep in mind, however, that the Law of Averages will still win one occasionally. When that happens, it will dwarf all of our intermittent wins combined!

Let’s all keep this in mind the next time we hear that the Islamic Terrorists do not have nuclear weapons or the next time we read a statement out of Washington, DC that Iran is years from nuclear capability. It also would pay us to keep it in mind the next time some of our elected officials (local and national) taut the safety aspects of seemingly dangerous operations.

Wow, speaking of an endless supply of Egos, Arrogances, and Stupidities… but more on politicians and public school administrators later!

Joe Walther is a freelance writer. You may contact him by clicking on CONTACT ME above or by email at Joe_Walther@comcast.net